Joe Bob got the message to see the sheriff before going out on patrol. The desk sergeant told him and then told him he was glad he wasn’t in Joe Bob’s shoes right now. He was glad not to be in Joe Bob’s shoes ever but he didn’t say it. the sergeant was a polite guy. Joe Bob knocked on the sheriff’s door and went in.

“Joe Bob, I want to ask you a question. Did you write a ticket to Henrietta Dawson yesterday?”

“Why, yes I did. She turned without no signal so I wrote her up.”

“OK. Now, do you know who her husband is?”

“Yessir, he one of the County Commissioners. So?”

“So, dummy, the County Commissioners pass the budget. That includes this office. That includes you. Do you see where I’m headed with this.”

“Why, no . I mean, this is America. There ain’t no one special or above the law here. We’s all born equal. No one gets special rights or nothin.” Joe Bob was pleased with that. It was a fine speech.

The sheriff looked at Joe Bob . He looked at him a long time. Then he spoke. “Joe Bob, I’ve been wondering if you were just plain stupid or if you were an idiot. Now I know. You’re both. No, we aren’t all equal. The commissioner can give us a pay raise. We can’t give them one. They can set the number of deputies I can have. They can buy or not buy a new patrol car. You and the commissioners aren’t equal. You and the commissioner’s wife aren’t equal. I’m throwing this ticket out. In fact, I’m throwin you out of here. Git before you make me regret hirin you, which I already do.”

Joe Bob was disappointed to say the least. He went out on patrol. As he drove out of town he passed the Murphy Home of Final Repose. Leave it to Cal Murphy to have a dumb name like that for a funeral home. Yet, he did most of the burials around here.

Joe Bob remembered asking him once why people’s mouths were sown shut. As a joke he asked if it was because that way no one could tell that he’d stolen the gold crowns from their mouths.

Cal Murphy wasn’t amused. “No, Joe Bob. Where would anyone around here get a gold crown. That would make their crown their biggest asset, wouldn’t it? No, I do it to keep the flies out. Now, flies is something we have a lot of here. To be honest with you, most folks here attract flies, dead or alive. Most folks here are buried cleaner than they ever were alive. Most of them look a lot better too. Any more bright questions?”

Well, no.