The sheriff was just getting ready to go home when the call came in. Someone said there was a body laying in the road out on Old Cooper Road, just past the Small’s farm. The Sheriff said he’d check it out since he was going that way.

As the sheriff went past the Small farm he slowed down and put the spotlight on. Sure enough, there was a body in the road. He stopped and got out. He went over to the body. It was Billy Crawford, the real Billy. He was passed out. The Sheriff glanced over to see Tommy Crawford sitting on the guardrail. Tommy had one arm wrapped around the post and his hand wrapped around a beer. Tommy’s fly was open and everything was hanging out.

Clyde Crawford was standing a ways off throwing up. Jimmy Crawford was just sitting on the side of the road. He didn’t look drunk.

“Well, boys, this ain’t a pretty sight. Clyde, you got yourself hanging out to the wind there”, the Sheriff said. Clyde looked down at himself and tried to zip up.

“Durn, I was pissin’ and musta forgot”, he tried to explain.

The Sheriff got the boys to toss Billy on the floor of the cruiser. Jimmy was yelling that he didn’t do anything. He was yelling that the Sheriff couldn’t arrest him without telling him why.

“Jimmy, I don’t have to tell you nothin’. You and your brothers are going to jail. That’s it”.

Jimmy yelled about it the whole way to town. He was still yelling when the Sheriff got some deputies to lock them all up. For all the Sheriff knew, Jimmy yelled all night long. He didn’t know because he went home. He knew he’d sleep peacefully if all the Crawford boys were in jail.

The next morning Billy woke up with a terrible headache. He thought he was blind until he reached up and peeled one of his eyes open. He sat up and almost fell back down. What is that smell? He looked at himself. Lord, it must have been a big drunk. He’d vomited all over himself.

Old Man Heston was the jailer. He was at least 80 years old. The Sheriff didn’t have the heart to make him retire so he made him the jailer. Old Man Heston came in with the breakfast trays. When he got to Billy’s cell Billy waved him away.

“I can’t eat none a that. Jus’ the smell makes-”

Billy threw up all over the place again. This made Clyde, in the next cell, do the same. Old Man Heston watched all this. When Billy got down to the dry heaves he asked him if he wanted this tray.

“Ain’t goin’ to let it waste none, Billy Crawford. This is grits and gravy”.

Billy heard him and heaved some more.

Old Man Heston took the tray over to a chair and ate it himself. No sir, it ain’t going to go to waste. from the looks of Billy Crawford, Old Man Heston would be getting a free lunch too.