When Joe Bob got the job as deputy at the sheriff’s office he finally was making a decent dollar. No more scrounging around doing odd jobs to make a little extra cash. Jobs like cleaning out cess pools and skinning cows. Now, along with the added respect, he’d be able to live better.

Maybe now he could move the trailer to a paved road. If not, at least one that had some gravel. Trying to drive through the mud was hard enough for him with his four wheel drive. For the little woman, in her 67 Chevy, it was the nearest thing to impossible. Many a time Joe Bob had to hook the chain to her and pull her out of the mud. The Chevy, not the little woman. when it was dry the ruts would darn near shake her apart. The little woman, not the Chivvy.

Speaking of the trailer, maybe a new one. If not new, at least newer. Maybe one of those double wides he’d heard so much about. Put it on blocks, plant some flowers here and there and maybe it’d look like something. Well, the trailer he had looked like something. Now,

He thought back to the words the Sheriff told him. “Now, son, you listen up real close here. I runs a clean office. You go on out there and keep things peaceable like. Make sure no one drives too awful fast or gets into to many fights and things’ll be fine. Don’t take no bribes or nothin and maybe when the day comes that I retire my son’ll keep you on.”

He was so proud of his uniform. He put on the khaki’s, put on the gun, put on the sunglasses and reported to the office for his first day on duty. He was so proud. The Sheriff looked him over and told him to go home and get into his sheriffin stuff and not his regular clothes.

The Sheriff gave Joe Bob the keys to his patrol car and told him to go keep an eye on things. He also told him not to get carried away with his job. Joe Bob was so proud. He was driving along out by the lake when he spotted Mosh Henry. Mosh was a moonshiner. Everyone knew it. Joe Bob decided to pull Mosh over. It gave him a chance to use his siren and his authority.

“Why, if it ain’t Joe Bob. I heerd you was a new deputy. How is you, Joe Bob?”, Mosh said to Joe Bob.

“Just fine, there, Mosh. Now, Mosh, everybody know you run shine. I looked under your car and you gots two tanks there. I reckon one be for gas and the other be the shine. I gotta run you in.”

“No, Joe Bob, no you don’t. Runnin me in just be a waste of your time. Ya got no business stoppin me and you sure ain’t got no business with my tanks. Reckon they not be no law agin havin two gas tanks. You got no reason to check them tanks. They calls it ‘unreasonable search’ or somethin likes that. My lawyer fella know that stuff.”

“Well, I reckon the Sheriff can sort that out.”

“I reckon the Sheriff be pissed off like wildfire iffen you get my lawyer on him. You be driving the backroads the rest of your life. That be the truth, Joe Bob. Now, I be a reasonable man. I gonna go on about my business and you gonna mind your own. You hear me, boy?”

Joe Bob heard the truth. He didn’t like it much but he knew it. Mosh had been running shine for years. The Sheriff, like everyone else in these parts, knew it. If the Sheriff didn’t do anything about it then maybe Joe Bob shouldn’t. Mosh’s Lawyer, Squire Davis, was a tough, smart old bird. he could cause Joe Bob some problems.

“OK, Mosh. Have a nice day.” Have a nice day. What a way to start his new career. Outwitted by a half-wit like Mosh Henry. back in the old days Mosh would be sweating bullets along about now. Joe Bob would have him scared to death. Not that Joe Bob knew much about the old days. Joe Bob was 23 years old.

Joe Bob stopped in at Mother Mary’s Cafe for breakfast. He was hungry and wanted to show off his badge to the folks there. He knew all the regulars who ate there. Most of them thought he was a horse’s ass. Well, he was a deputy sheriff now. Joe Bob guessed he’d get some respect now from those people. He guessed wrong.

“Well, lookie here. If it ain’t Joe Bob. That’s a nice car you be driving. That’s a shiny new badge you be wearin. Going to a costume party, are you, Joe Bob?”, Mother Mary herself called out to him.

The rest of the crowd hooted and hollered. Joe Bob began to feel like coming here was a mistake. A bigger mistake than pulling Mosh Henry over. After all, there was only one of Mosh henry and there was a whole crowd here. With Mosh there wasn’t a witness although Mosh would tell the story and make it worse and worse with each telling.

“I just came in for eats. This is still an eatery, ain’t it?”

“Why, sure it is, Joe Bob. Just having a little laugh with you. Don’t have to be uppity about it. Sit yourself down here and have some grits. Then you can go on back out there and protect us some more.”

That sounded OK but Joe Bob thought they were still laughing at him. Well, couldn’t do too much about it. For one thing, Mother Mary was the Sheriff’s ma. That’s all Joe Bob needed to do was arrest the Sheriff’s ma. He’d like to, though, the heartless old crone. She couldn’t cook for nothing either. These grits were awful. How can she not cook grits right? Come to think of it, Joe Bob didn’t recall ever seeing the Sheriff eating in here.

Joe Bob drove back out to the lake. He saw the Sheriff’s car behind him so he pulled over. The Sheriff got out and walked up to Joe Bob’s

“Well, Joe Bob, you’ve sure had a fine start. You pulled over Mosh Henry, who smarter than you ever goin to be. You ate at my ma’s place, which just proves it. Now, Joe Bob, I hopes you learned something from this morning. You ain’t Wyatt Earp. You ain’t some FBI guy. You be a deputy sheriff in a small, out of the way county. We don’t have no real problems here unlessen you make one. You ain’t gonna make none. Don’t make me regret givin you this here job. Hell, boy, just take it easy and everything gonna be just fine. Now, do you hear me, Joe Bob?”

Yea, Joe Bob heard him all right. Still, he was going to get Mosh Henry if it was the last thing he ever did. Well, maybe he shouldn’t ought to be thinking that.