The Iraqi Army was getting ready for war. They decided it wasn’t going to be like the last time. 100 Hour War my camel’s butt. No, this time they were going to surrender at the first shot. They prayed the Americans didn’t have silencers. Unfortunately, the guy who thought this up got shot before he finished the plan.

“Allah be praised! Near as I can figure, we wave a white flag as soon as the American infidels approach”, the sergeant was telling his troops.

“Allah be praised, effendi. Should we call them infidels?”, asked one of his soldiers. The soldier got shot.

“Does anyone else want to ask a question?”

The guys in the tanks were especially worried. They knew how the Americans liked to blow tanks up. It was a sport to pilots. They’d shoot from way up there where a tank couldn’t reach. Then, and this really pissed the tankers off, and then they’d wiggle their wings. The tankers didn’t celebrate their victories or wouldn’t if they had any. The Kuwaiti’s didn’t count. They were too busy running. Too bad the Americans don’t run, the lazy curs.

They weren’t going to use any wooden tanks to trick the Americans this time either. That really irritated them when they found out. It wasn’t the wasting of a million dollar missile that got to the pilots. Heck, it wasn’t coming out of their pockets. It was the feeling foolish.

“What do you mean I shot a wooden model? Boy, do I ever feel stupid.”

The Iraqi Air Force was planning to use the same plan as the last time. Go eyeball to eyeball with the Americans and hope they’d make it to Iran. The Air Force wanted to know why they couldn’t surrender instead of going to Iran. The Iranians were no fun to be with. They were real fanatics and had no sense of humor.

“Well, stupid one”, the general said, “it would be most difficult to wave a white flag at 30,000 feet going 600 miles an hour with a missile chasing you.”

The Republican Guard swore they would fight to the last man as long as the last man was the guy standing next to them. Otherwise, they were for surrendering. They all carried little white hankies to wave in case of war.

“You don’t think waving this is too feminine, do you?”.

“Depends on how you wave it, sweety”.