One Typical Day

Today was a typical day. It says something about me although I don’t know what and don’t want to know. If it’s typical for you, that’s fine. If not, I don’t want to hear about it.

I went to get a haircut. I was asked if I wanted a haircut. I thought that was odd. It’s what they do. They don’t do tatoos; they don’t inject Botox and they don’t sell Viagra. Then I thought, I might be wrong.

“Yea, I do”.

I was told it would be five to ten minutes. I started to sit down when the girl called my name. I had to stop the downward movement and start the upward one. I hurt myself.

The girl asked if I wanted a shampoo. Oh, yes, I do. I always do. I just love having a woman running her fingers through my hair. The only way I get that is to pay for it. If she’s young ands pretty, fine. If not, I close my eyes and think- J’Lo.

Then my wife asked me to get her a sweet tea at the drive through.

“One sweet tea, please”, I said to the machine.

“Uh, one? You want just one?”, the machine asked.

“Yea, one”, I told it.

“Umm, that’s going to be $1.50. For three dollars you can get two”.

“I know. My wife only wants one, though. Two makes her need to pee. Waste not, want not”.

We went to a restaurant. I ordered an Italiano sandwich. I asked the server to request that the bun not be “overly toasted”. He looked at the menu as if he’d never seen it before, which maybe he hadn’t. He looked at it and told me,

“It comes on a toasted bun, sir”.

“Yes, I know. I just don’t want it blackened.”

He thought that one over. He said he’d do his best. Good.

Then I stopped at the drive through to pick up some prescriptions. I gave the girl my name, my debit card and my driver’s license. She looked it all over and told me that my debit card didn’t have my photo on it.

“No, but my license does. You think it’s odd that I don’t have my photo on the debit card, don’t you?”.

She did but wouldn’t say so.

I’m going to run up a photo of me on a FBI Ten Most Wanted list and use that one day. That just about ought to do it.