Noonan was the skinniest cop on the force. The only way he could pass the weight requirements at his physicals was to swallow pebbles. His wife always wondered why her garden needed more pebbles. Where were they going? For Noonan, it made for some rough toilet happenings. Very rough.

He got dressed and put on all his equipment. He looked in the mirror with pride. he stepped away and fell flat on his face. He was sick of that. The equipment weighed more than he did. Still, hard as it was, he was a cop!

Noonan loved it when he and his partner, Shirley Casey, went into a donut shop. Everyone stared at him with admiration. This surprised Noonan since Shirley was a good-looking woman. She was a stunner even in a uniform. Yet, everyone was looking at Noonan. He could tell, just tell.

When he stopped a motorist for a traffic violation Noonan had a knack at putting people at ease. When he’d approach the car everyone would smile. Really smile. Yes, Noonan had a knack. Shirley got an entirely different response. The women glared at her. The men wouldn’t say a word. They’d start drooling. She needs to work on that, Noonan thought.

Noonan and Casey were returning to the car after a Code 7, which is cop talk for lunch. Noonan fell down.

“Dang it, I musta hit an icy spot, Shirl”, he said.

“Noonan, it’s July. There are no icy spots. The wind bowled you over.”

“Nah, that’s absurd. Wind knock me over. Jeez”.

Noonan was a two-handed shooter. He said it was the best way to shoot. It was also the only way to shoot for him. He couldn’t quite keep the gun up with one hand. When he fired on the range he’d have to go pick his gun up after every shot. It would jerk back over his head and fly ten feet. Noonan said he’d have to be more careful when he oiled his gun. Some of it must be getting on the handle.

Criminals never gave Noonan any trouble, a fact he was proud of and Shirley was satisfied with. The alleged crook would look at Noonan and start laughing. Noonan or Shirley would cuff him and lead him, still laughing, to the car. Shirley, being a nice woman, always cuffed in the front, and gave the crooks a tissue to wipe the tears. The crooks alternated between looking at Noonan and laughing and looking at Shirley’s chest. It was a docile situation.

Noonan was assigned at times to undercover work. No one ever suspected he was a cop. Shirley, when this was going on, did undercover work with the Chief.

Everyone was happy.