When someone displeasing dies, Jesus takes the Judgment Book into the Throne Room. He always has a sorrowful look and tears in his eyes. It never varies. God the Father calls it, “The samo, samo”.

Jesus carries the Book up to the Throne and shows the journal entry to God the Father.

“Oh my God!!”, the Father thunders, causing a tremendous earthquake in Peru, leading to more premature entries in the Book.

“Yes, that about says it all”, Jesus always responds.

“Hey! Why are you staring at me, or us, whatever, for?”, the Holy Spirit asks.

“Aren’t you the Guide I promised to bestow? Aren’t you supposed to make it desirable for them to believe? Aren’t you supposed to make it possible for them to embrace the Truth?”, Jesus always answers.

“Well, now, aren’t you the one. You lived with them. What did that get you other than nailed to a cross?”

Jesus glanced at the Father but the Father was looking at something in the other direction.

“That was my assignment. I was to instruct them in the Gospel and die that they might have everlasting life”, Jesus told the Holy Spirit.

“Well, they have perpetual life, in a way. It might not be here with us, but they will never cease to exist”, the Spirit responded.

“Sometimes, I wish I hadn’t done it at all. Sometimes, I wish I had killed Adam and Eve and been finished with it”, the Father said, bringing about a shark attack off the coast of Australia.

“Well, that’s all fine and dandy but it was this ‘free will’ thing that’s the problem. They actually thought you meant it”, the Spirit continued.

“You are trying to change the direction of this communion away from your failings”, Jesus said.

“Hey, you two wanted me, us, whatever, to be the internuncio boy here. Don’t start castigating me for what the Father created”, the Spirit coolly replied.

“I didn’t create sin!! I created a paradise for those ungrateful humans!” ,the Father thundered, causing L.A. to finally drop into the ocean.

“We have the predicament of Satan. He is a super salesman. He has them under the impression we aren’t real and neither is he. They act like death is the end. They don’t know that if their name appears in the wrong section of the Book that Jesus keeps, they aren’t going to get through the Scruba-Dub without still having a fragment of dirt on their souls, consigning them to Hell”.

“They should! I used to talk to some of them!”, the Father bellowed, letting loose the avalanche took out a resort in the Rockies.

Then the Holy Spirit threw a huge monkey wrench into the conversation.

“I ran into Satan. I believe he’s going to become a dilemma.”

“Become a dilemma!!”, the Father screamed out, causing 98% of the French population to wet their pants and stumble to the ground. It sounded like another German invasion. They began practicing saying, “I surrender”, “I give up” , “Please, don’t hurt me”, and, of course, “No mas”.

“Well, yes, he’s always been a problem. I understand that. He tried to dethrone yo- uh, us. He really nailed Jesus and has been meddling with me, us, for a long time. I realize that. Now, though, he has a fresh maneuver.”

“And what, pray tell, is that?”, Jesus answered before the Father could, saving Hawaii from a massive volcano eruption.

“He says, and I quote, ‘ I won’t accept any new souls in Hell’. That sort of puts us in a bind. Here we send some soul through the Scruba-Dub, it comes out with a blemish and we have no place to put them. Can’t let them in here to muck up Heaven and can’t send them to Hell, where they belong.”

They, He, looked at the Throne to see the Father’s reaction. Jesus was thinking he’d be returning on that cloud sooner than was planned. The Holy Ghost figured he’d be out of a job. The Father sat there contemplating. Satan! His old adversary. I, We, can compel him to accept the despicable souls into Hell, then exterminate him , and them, but that means he wins a moral victory. He’d be forcing God hand. He’d be deciding the time of Armageddon. Can’t have that.

“As I see it, we need a third place to put the unsatisfactory ones”, the Father said at last.

“Uh, we’re not talking Purgatory a second time are we? That didn’t work out very well. Only Catholics went there”, Jesus brought up.

“No, I wasn’t thinking that and you know it!!”, the Father roared, causing a stampede of elephants to crush a village. This caused the U.N to send in relief, which made the villagers rich since the huts they lost were vermin-ridden hovels. The new places were cement block. They laughed at the end and had a party.

“No, we need a place a lot more inferior than that and open to everyone”, the Father continued.

“If I may make a recommendation, how about West Virginia?”, the Holy Ghost offered.

“Hmm, that’d be a Hell of a thing to do, but...make it so”, the Father ordered.