He was sitting at a table at Barnes and Noble. He had on a long sleeve plaid shirt, open down the front. It was 97 degrees outside at the time. You could make steam by spitting on the sidewalk...if that was your thing. He wore the mandatory ball cap. He was 44 years old. He was also talking to everyone around him. That made either him well known or a total mutt. Guess which one?

At one point, he turned to talk to my wife and me but I shot him a "don't bother me" look and he went elsewhere. There was a college girl there doing some research. She was busy reading and making notes. Mutt didn't care. He asked her what she was reading and making notes on. She gave him a "piss off, freak" look but he didn't catch that one. Probably was so used to it that he thought it a natural reaction. It was a natural reaction come to think of it.

"I asked you what you were reading, honey", the mutt said.

"And I didn't answer you. Leave me alone", she replied.

"You ain't very friendly", Mutt said.

"No, but I am pretty choosy", she responded.

"Huh?", he said.

"Okay. I'm studying freaks of nature. You're in it."

The girl finally went someplace else.

The mutt spotted a Mexican couple seated behind him. He turned to them and said, "Beunas dayhos, senors".

I started laughing quietly while sliding my chair around to put myself between my wife and the knife I knew the Mexican guy was carrying and was going to use on this mutt. The mucho was poring from the Mexican. He looked at the mutt and then his wife and back to the mutt. Then he said, "No hablo Ingles".

Mutt didn't understand that and said, "What's that mean?"

I told him it meant the guy couldn't speak English.

"Yea? Why didn't he say so instead of that willi-chili talkin'"

"Uh, if he could have said so then he'd know how to speak English and saying that would make him stupid", I told the mutt.

"Well, seems like to me they oughtn' a let him in the country if he didn't speak English".

"They may not have 'let' him in. Could be he snuck in", I replied.

"You mean he's one a them illegal immigrants I hear about?".

"Could be. Could be you are too, for all I know", I answered.

"Huh? Whatta ya mean me? I was born right here in the good ole U.S. of A.", he told me.

"How do I know that? You got proof?"

"Proof? What proof? I don't need proof."

"Guess what, hombre? They don't either. Not to you or me. Comprende?"

"You sound like one a them", the mutt said.

"Yea, but I'm not. If I was, I'd a stabbed you about fifty times by now. You're one lucky dude".

"You're one nosy dude, that's what you are", the Mutt told me.

"Yea, I am. I'm carrying too. That's enough for you to know".

Next thing I know, there's another mutt! Not that two mutts in the same place at the same time is unusual. It was just that I wasn't prepared for the one, much less two. He was fat, sloppy fat; bald; bad skin; carrying a laptop; He- carrying a laptop? Holy Cow! He must have just stolen it! He probably doesn't even know what it is. Hmm...maybe I can pick it up from him cheap. Hey, I didn't steal it. Turns out, neither did he. Hew knew what it was and how to use it. He needed it for college, he told mutt number one, who apparently actually knew this guy.

"College? What ya going to college for?", said mutt numero uno.

"Graphic design", answered mutt numero dos.

"No, I mean, why are you going to college for. You too old for that. Who’d hire you?"

"Same one’d hire you!"

Oh. That would have stopped the conversation dead in its tracks except for me.

"Who’d hire either of you mutts? And, don’t even start on me. I have a job, always have had one and I make good money"

"Well, la-di-da, Mister Nosey". said mutt number one.

"La-di-da? That ain't even a word, stupid", said number two.

"Ain't ain't either, or is it neither?", one replied.

"Normally, they say ‘go with your first choice’. With you two, that may not be the mountain to climb", I said.

"oh. yea?". said mutt one.

"Oh, yea?", said mutt two.

Then I heard some guy, as he was passing by, say, "What's the odds of three mutts being in the same place at the same time?"