It’s time for our annual Stupid Awards, which we just thought of. There are no qualifications beyond stupid and the whole world knowing it. This eliminates the amateurs. I used a panel of family, friends, internet friends, e-mails, comments and my own opinion. If you disagree or would like to point out some other winners just write to us at comments. Your e-mail will be read before being ignored and deleted.

Our top choice is Sadaam Hussein After getting his butt kicked by the first George, he decided that thumbing his nose at George II was a good move. This would be similar to you going up to a fenced in, chained up Rotweiler and taking a piece of raw meat out of it’s mouth. Salaam didn’t seemed to understand that all those U.S. soldiers gathering around him, at the order of a President who wasn’t looking for an excuse to invade, didn’t mean anything. After all, he had the French and Germans on his side. He felt safe.

He gets extra points during his surrender for coming up from his filthy rat hole, looking like a street bum, and announcing he was, “Sadaam Hussein, president of the Republic. I want to negotiate”. Fortunately for him, our soldiers know a good joke when they hear it.

Howard Dean and the entire Democratic Party rank high on the list. We will be bogged down in Irag for years; we will never catch Sadaam Hussein; the Dow Jones will slide away; Bush will be beaten. Howard Dean is the Democratic Party’s Christmas gift to President Bush. There must be a genetic connection between Dean, Mondale and McGovern.

Not only have we taken out the Taliban and Sadaam but, in a great coincidence, Iran decides to allow inspectors in to check their nuke program and Ghaddafi, a.k.a. Quaddafi, a past winner if we’d done this before, decides to give it all up.

Martha Stewart. All that money and she cheats to get more. She gets caught doing it. It proves you don’t have to be smart to be a model. Sometimes, beauty is only skin deep.

K-Mart. Losing against Wal-Mart, they decide to continue to sell Martha Stewart branded products. Yes, if you spill gasoline on yourself, light up a relaxing cigarette while you decide what to do next.

I’m not going to touch on Michael Jackson. Hopefully, that means he won’t touch on me.

All the smart, rich guys who got caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Money doesn’t always mean you’re smart. It does always mean you can buy smarts. They didn’t. We took 75 years to really get the Mafia. We got these guys after only a couple of years.

Bagdad Bob.

Jennifer Lopez and Britanny Spears. J’Lo for being everyman’s dream despite only having one talent. Britanny for being a con artist and getting Frenched by Madonna. Even a guy wouldn’t want that. Just one more reason to dispise the French.

All the folks that fell for the spam-scams. There is supposed to be a lower limit of intelligence after which you could not survive outside an institution. That’s not true apparently. If any of you want to send me money in return for nothing feel free to do so. I have nothing against stupid people. Some of my best friends are stupid people. That may be why they’re my friends to begin with but let’s not go there.

Television programming executives for being that.

Geraldo for drawing a line in the sand. He says, “I erased it, didn’t I? Where? Kuwait? I have to walk? I’m Geraldo Rivera.”

General Wesley Clark, who is for and against everything, depending on who’s asking. Gotta love that kind of stupidity. It’s special.

The BCS.

People who steal music off the internet and the RIAA for the way to stop it.

“I didn’t know I was doing anything wrong”.

“Too bad, mom”.

Everyone without Anti-Virus software. Yes, you.

Those hoping to strike it rich with Powerball. Yes, me.