Pre-Christmas Sale

With the economy in a slow period, post-Christmas sales are now before Christmas. I thought I'd take advantage of them. I should have stayed home.

I was looking at one item that had a terrific discount on it. I went to pick it up and went flying down the aisle. I was hit by a three-hundred pound former linebacker. Hit as hard as I could be hit. He must have gotten a running start. I looked and it was a five foot, 85 lb woman. I was going to say something to her but she cast a look at me that scared me.

"You gotta problem?", she asked.

"Uh, no."

"You're lucky I'm outta shape or you'd be on the way to a hospital 'bout now. Or a morgue."

In another aisle I saw a good price on a gift item. I picked it up, after looking for that linebacker, and SWOOP!, it was gone. I was holding air. I watched as a thousand year-old man cackled his way to the registers.

I saw a sign for half off on all bikes. Okay. I couldn't find any bikes. I asked a sales associate, that's what they call themselves now, "Where are the bikes?"

"None left."

"When are you going to get more in?", I asked.

"Since we lost our butts on them at that price, we'll wait until just before declaring bankruptcy to sell more. Want me to give you a call?"

There's a person who needs some Christmas spirit. A couple of bottles of it.

Found some stuff and got in one of the long lines at the registers. I got up to the cashier and she rang up the sales. I opened my wallet and handed her the money.

"You trying to be funny?", she asked. Then she pointed to a sign- "Credit Card ONLY".

No, I've never heard of that. She got the manager. He asked if I could read. I said I had cash money. He said he didn't care. He wasn't getting any of it so go to the cash line. I was the only one in it. The cashier there told me, "Been awhile since I seen real, live cash."

When I left the store I found that my van had been stolen.