First, and foremost, redneck road rules are a matter of personal taste. They can change on a whim or for no reason at all. A redneck gets in his truck and drives it some place. As long as he gets there before the beer runs out, nothing else matters.

The old joke about rednecks thinking that the posted speed limit is a “suggestion” is just that, a joke. Half of them don’t know there are speed limits and the other half can’t read them. Speed limit signs are mostly for target practice or something to fix the hole in the roof.

Turn signals are never used. If they’re on when the truck is bought, fine. If not, as Carlie Joe says, “Ain’t nobudy’s bizness which a way ahm goin’ a go. Thet’s mah bizness”.

Most people make sure there’s a couple of car lengths open when changing lanes. Not the redneck. The only question is, will the truck fit, or can I make it fit? Even a redneck won’t try to fit between two semi’s. Carlie Joe tried that once. Once was enough. If he hadn’t refused to wear a seatbelt and hadn’t tied his door shut with bailing wire, he’d have been killed. As it was, he popped out of the car just as the two semi’s crushed his car like a cheap beer can.

No sense in having treads on the tires. Cost more and slide less. Going to do that, you may as well buy a car. Just as easy to slide down the ramp as drive down it. Treadless tires can be picked up practically free. Plus, they don’t leave marks on the roadkill.

Brakes are for when you get there. You don’t want to stop the truck by hitting the side of Bubba’s Bar and Barbecue like you do at home. Bubba doesn’t like it and Bubba’s a mean one. Don’t need two lights either. As long as the redneck can see part of the road he can guess at the rest of it.

Rear-end a redneck and you have road rage at it’s best. Yelling and cursing and ranting and raving are second nature to a redneck anyway. Hit his truck and he’s going to go over the top. Offer him beer and he still rants and raves but not as loud. Two beers and he gets friendly. Three beers and he admits it was his fault.

Then the cops arrest him for drunken driving and he stars yelling and cursing and ranting and raving. You don’t care because you’re home free.