When a customer tells me I shrunk her dress, I catch myself wanting to tell her, “I didn’t shrink the dress. You increased your dress size with too many candy bars.”.

“No, sir, I didn’t accidentally get paint on your pants. I would have done it on purpose since we don’t have any paint here”.

“Oh, you put the spot in and you think I should be able take it out? Here, I’ll cut it out. Yea, I thought so”.

“It wasn’t pink when you brought it in? Hmm, do you like pink?”.

“No, you’re right. I don’t think you wore this sweater with one sleeve 3 inches bigger than the other”.

“You need it back in an hour? You don’t have any other clothes?”

“You just found out you were going on a cruise and need these all back today?”

“Do what? It would take me a week to kiss that butt, lady”.

“Excuse me, the young lady needs your phone number, you don’t need hers”.

“Nope, this ain’t a fairy job although you’d know more about fairies than I would”.

“Well, man, most people wear underwear to avoid these spots”.