Living near a beach can be great... after the training period. Once you learn the do’s and don’t’s it is very nice. You’d think living near a beach would just naturally be great but you’d be fooling yourself. What good would that do? Reality still “comes a callin”, as they say.

First there’s the beach itself. Go there; soak up some rays; watch a few babes and hunks; wade in the ocean. Wow! this is the best move you ever made.

Get your answers ready for all the potential visiting relatives from up north.

“Well, the doctor said it isn’t life-threatening. It causes uncontrollable diarrhea and is very, very contagious. But, heck, come on down. You probably can get a day or two in at the beach before it hits you”.

“You can’t believe all those shark stories. We haven’t had more than ten attacks...this week. Last week was bad but it’s okay now. The odds are in your favor anyway”.

As you lay in the warm sun you realize that you should have done this years ago. Who needs snow and ice? This is the way to live. Better turn over to keep the tan even.

“Uncle Ray? I don’t have an Uncle Ray. Oh. No, being my friend’s uncle isn’t the same thing at all”.

“No, it’s okay as long as you don’t doze off. The crabs wait for that and start a feeding frenzy. Just stay awake”.

You notice how you’ve gone from pink to red. Very red. You try to put your shirt on and pass out from the pain. As your wife or husband or EMT drives you to the ER, screaming and yelling, the blisters start rising. At the ER you hear the doctor say,

“Man, this must hurt. I haven’t seen anything this bad since that guy doused himself with gas and set it off. He died, you know. No, no, I’m not saying you’re going to die although I can’t ethically say you won’t but......”