Ever wonder if there are guards at the Gates of Hell? Ever wonder if you’ll find out?

Does St. Peter check your mark to make sure it doesn't rub off before he lets you through the Pearly Gates? Where does that leave Bill Gates? Him being Gates can't be a coincidence.

The Pope is semi-living proof that God gives us a free will. Pope John Paul could be dead for weeks before anyone knew it. He still says he going on another trip. I think his next trip will be in a box. He's done well, Pope John Paul ll. He needs a rest.

Now that we have a do not call list we need a do not beg list for televangelists. Send one of them five dollars and you get mail from them for the rest of your life. Add up the postage and they are losing money.

Muslim terrorists say they want to be martyrs so they can go to Heaven with Allah and 72 Virgins. The 72 Virgins is where they lose me. Where is Allah getting them from? Do they stay Virgins? If so, these terrorists are just plain stupid. If not, they’re still just plain stupid.