Fire ants are a huge problem. A huge unsolvable problem. You spot the mound and go take a look at it. You fell little pricks of pain. Then you feel them adding up to a big pain. They’re all over your legs. You brush them off and plan to get rid of them.

Fire. Fire kills. You take a can of charcoal starter and put it on the mound. Yea, you get bitten while doing it but that’s the price you pay. That’s what you think. You pour it on and then light it up. Whoosh! The mound goes up in a fireball and so do you. You roll on the ground to put the flames out. You run into the house screaming because you’re covered with ants too.

The next day you see the burnt spot and no ants. It was worth it. Then you see the mound on the other side of the yard. You didn’t kill them. You moved them. That’s all you did.

Okay, time to go chemical on them. You get some ant killer. You sneak up on the mound and spread the poison on it. Then you do a jig because while you were sneaking up on them, they were sneaking up on you. The ants are a lot more quiet than you are.

Fine. You don’t care. The ants are dead. The mound is empty. Not an ant moving. You don’t pay any attention to the fact that no ants are lying there with their little feet in the air. No dead ants. Just a deserted mound. You search your yard and no ants. Maybe they moved to your neighbor’s yard. Well, sorry about that. Not too sorry though.

You confidently go back into the house to find a mound in the living room.