The taxman is coming and I’m not ready. I always owe money and I’m always dumbfounded. I’m naive enough to believe it when the President and the Congress tell me they’ve cut my taxes. What a dumbass!

The IRS sent me a letter once telling me I needed to have more taken out of my earnings. I might even get a refund! Imagine my excitement at the thought of getting my own money back. They didn’t mention any interest being paid to me.

The two tricks the Federal government uses is to cut the rates, tricking you into thinking you will pay less taxes, and cutting the deductions. Those math whizzes make a tax cut into a tax increase and you don’t even know it.

All IRS auditors start as carny workers. There isn’t a trick they haven’t seen or pulled. You are never going to beat them until three or four years after you die. Their big trick is to limit how far back you can go and file an amended return while they can go back further if you owe taxes.

The difference between an IRS auditor and a filthy, garbage eating, disease carrying, vermin infested, stinking rat is you can kill the damn rat.