As the ranking “Damn Yankee” here in Charleston, South Carolina, I try to translate what happens here into reality. It’s hard to do at times.

We have a referendum on the ballot to build new roads. The NEW part is hard to explain. There are still dirt roads down here. Is any of the money going to pave them? Do frogs fly? Asked to explain this, Mayor-for-life Riley said, “Folks that live on dirt roads don’t vote.”

We also are electing school council members. Democracy in action right? Uh, not exactly. The council hires new employees and sets the rules. Problem is, the school board can, and always does, override the council. Guess being on the council looks good on a resume, whatever that is.

“I on the council.”

“So is I. Want another swig?”

We had one candidate for the state legislature call his opponent a “politician”. The crowd loved it so much he then called him an “elected official”. The crowd went nuts at that one.

The interesting thing here is that in order to win any office your ancestors had to either own slaves or been one. No poor, white trash allowed.