I normally don’t write anything personal. I don’t mind being amused by other people miseries but I don’t like being the one doing the amusing. I was never the class clown. I wrote his best acts though. I don’t want sympathy either. But, keep in mind that a good sympathy card should contain money.

I went for a physical today. I got one the last century so I may as well get one this century. I don’t really mind physicals except for BEING GLOVED. I hate that. What I do is hide the gloves. No GLOVES, no GLOVING.

I got my preliminary blood work done by the ghouls at the Hospital Satellite Outpatient Testing Center. Only ghouls work there. Only ghouls would want to work there. They take a huge vial of blood to run a cholesterol test. What they do is run the numbers until they get two that match. That’s the one they use. I don’t know if they GLOVE people there or not.

I expected mine to be high. I haven’t had any Lipitor for months. I hadn’t gotten around to seeing the doctor again. He finally refused to call a prescription in for me unless I came in for a physical. Surprisingly, the police say that’s not extortion. I expected the count to be high since I consider a high-energy breakfast to be a slice of chocolate cake. My count was 209. That’s borderline.

“Well, we don’t want borderline, we want a safer level. Somewhere around 180. We also don’t want to be eating chocolate cake for breakfast.”

We don’t? He doesn’t but I do. He took this “we” stuff a wee bit too far. He’s not going to take the GLOVE too far though. I did what I always do. I hid them. I hid them on the lawn right below the window. No, I’m NOT GETTING GLOVED today.

“Hmm, the box of GLOVES are missing. Well, I still have the ones from the last patient. TIME TO GET GLOVED!”