"Smile when ya say that." That was Billy the Kid's favorite line. Then he shot you for smiling. Billy's biggest problem was reading too many dime novels back in Brooklyn. He then came West to try it all out.

"Billy, ya gots to quit killin' all me best customers. I'm tryin' to make a livin' here", the owner of the saloon would tell him.

"Smile when ya say that", Billy would tell him.

"Billy, I was shootin' folks afore ya was borned. I got a double-barreled shotgun aimed plumb at yer guts. Don' start no crap with me."

Billy the Kid would smile at that.

Billy was one ugly man. One of the reasons he left New York was because he was so ugly that even the hookers wouldn't have anything to do with him. He thought he'd try his luck in the Wild West. The thing was, there were ten men for every woman out in the West. Billy was still the ugliest one. It turned him mean.

"Billy", the town marshal would ask him, "why you be so mean?"

"Cause I'm too ugly to be nice. You look like this you might as well be mean as nice. Mean's easier. Pays better too."

"Yea, I know. Thing of it is, you ain't never gonna make enough money to git one of Miss Molly's gals. God knows they ain't none too particular but you ain't never gonna get one a them."

"Maybe yes, maybe no. I'm saving up a considerable amount. Jus' yesterday I got a hunnerd for shootin' Old Man Crowfield down like a rat", Billy told him.

"Yea, but ya was supposed to shoot his son."

"I know that. That's why I only got a hunnerd. I think I should a got the whole amount but what are ya gonna do?"

"Rob a bank. That's where the money be."

"Well, that don' seem right. Hard workin' stiffs put they money in there an' I steal it? Don' seem right."

"You shoot hard workin' stiffs for money."

"Well, yea, but I don' rob 'em."

"Oh, ya got scruples", the marshal told Billy.

That riled Billy up so he shot the marshal. Didn't kill him just shot a couple of fingers off.

"Jeez, Billy, them was my shootin' fingers."

"You should a been smilin' "