Simon was standing in the intersection of Main Street and First Avenue directing traffic. He had cars going every which way. It was total confusion. Simon wasn't a cop. Simon was a "simple" man. He just liked to direct traffic. The cops didn't like it when he did.

"Simon, you do this one more time and I'm taking you in, you hear?", Officer Dooley told him.

"Yes, sir. I was just tryin' to help. These cars was all confused. Some a them was just sittin' there not doin' nothin' at all", Simon told him.

Dooley scratched his head for a moment. He couldn't just whack Simon, although he wanted too. Simon was just "simple".

"Simon, try to get this. Those lights up there tell people when to go and when to stop. Get it?"

"Oh. I didn't see them lights. How do they know when to let folks go?"

No, Dooley thought, not about to explain this.

"Simon, I hear your mama calling you."

"Oh! See ya!"

Simon sometimes forgot to put on all his clothes. Once he forgot to put on any of his clothes. The cop that was sent to the scene was Officer Smith.

"Simon, you have to wear clothes", he told him.

"Yea, I thought I was getting cold. Wanna know somethin'? People was lookin' at me real funny like."

Simon wasn't very educated. He never went to college except to see a football game once. He got thrown out for tackling a runner. He thought that was the rule. He also didn't finish high school. He wasn't a dropout, though. He was a kickout. State law says you can't go to school after you turn twenty-three.

"Sorry, Simon, you can't come back next year", the principal told him.

"Aww, man, I could pass freshman English if I had another shot at it."

He decided to try for a G.E.D. diploma. The whole town rallied behind him. They had a parade, complete with the high school marching band, the cheerleaders, and the principal giving a rousing speech.

The instructor knew Simon had failed the test right from the start. He knew it when Simon misspelled his own name.