Men have this tendency to look back on their life and feel ungratified. That’s why there are so many grumpy old men. That’s also why men don’t worry about losing their memories. They want to lose them. The problem is that far too many men set their goals too high. Set your goals a little lower or a lot lower and you’ll be content with your life.

Forget this crap about being a world famous brain surgeon. One, you’re not smart enough. Two, you don’t like the sight of blood. Three, and this is the biggie, there are no world famous brain surgeons. Sure, some are notable among brain surgeons. A few are well-known to their patients, the ones that live and have some usable brain left. Otherwise, the general public doesn’t know or want to know who’s good and who’s not.

You aren’t going to make it bigtime in sports or entertainment. Your sister can outrun you. In fact, she can beat you up and you’re the older brother. Your parents tell you to keep the noise down while you shower and the high school play director offers you the part of “stagehand”. Daydream all you want but get on with your real life.

Keep in mind that the woman you fell in love or lust with is not the woman you are going to marry. Social scientists call this woman “Pre-Nuptial Woman”. On her wedding day she either has an mental metamorphosis or manic molting. Whatever it is, the morning after you are waking up with someone other than the one you marry. You better know some quick responses or you’re going to sleep on the couch a lot

“Why were you looking at that pretty young girl?”, she accuses you.

Denying it won’t work. Woman know you were looking. Don’t hesitate or your done for.

“I was thinking how good those slacks would look on you”, you lie.

“You liar. You were looking at the way she fills them. I couldn’t get them over one leg”.

The deadly, “Do these pants make me look fat?”. The right answer: there isn’t one. You lose no matter what you say.

“No, honeybunch, they don’t make you look fat”, you lie again.

“Oh? You think I look fat no matter what? Is that it?”.

The one nasty trick the wife enjoys is going to your mom’s for Thanksgiving dinner. You stuff yourself full of turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, candied yams, salad and pumpkin pie. As you feel a belch coming on, the wife asks you, “Can I cook as good as your mom?”.

Whoa! There is no way to answer that. Say yes and you’re out of the will. Say no and you’re out of the bed. You notice that you dad is chuckling as he belches. Enjoying this, dad?

You won’t ever bowl the perfect game. You will always miss the last strike. Always. You’ll come this close to that promotion, this close. The fall from the roof will break both of your legs. Worse, the gutters were clear. That table you made, at twice the cost of a new one, will have one leg too short.