The Miss Planet Earth Beauty Pageant ended on a tragic note when the winner, Su Tuc, Miss Laos, was crowned causing her to fall backwards and hit her head. Spokeswoman Susanna Hemmer was quoted as saying, “It was an accident, a tragic accident. Our hearts go out to her family, if she has one. Had one, actually. Next year we’ll make the crown out of styrofoam.”

Police in Seattle, Washington, responed to an armed robbery of the Third Seatle National Bank. They knew where the robber had fled and knew the money bag had exploded, covering the robber with purple dye.

Unfortunately, the robber had fled to a tattoo parlor where he blended in. Police arrested everyone in sight.

“Well, we got our man”, Seattle Police Chief Ronald Neiwen said, “we just don’t who he is yet.”

Iraqi President Sadaam Hussein decided on a new look for his regime in hopes of staving off a U.S attack. He shaved his mustache. Radio Bagdad announced that this should prove to President Bush that Iraq has no intention of producing weapons of mass destruction.

Vice-President Dick Cheney responded by saying, “We don’t care what he shaves. We’re taking him out. We admit that recognizing him might be a problem so we’ve sent a special team of Army Rangers to Barber College.”

Toto, the well-known Kansas dog, has been run over by a SUV driven by Tonto, the well-known sidekick of the Lone Ranger. Tonto was quoted as saying, “Him not ever be in Kansas again.”

Archeologists have discovered a skeleton in Africa’s Central Northwest Republic Kingdom that is exciting the science community. The skeleton has a series of small, circular bones in the neck. The leader of the search, Dr. Lee Rowlings, says that it’s possible that this, “could be the origin of the Bobblehead.”

Famed cartoon character Bugs Bunny suffered severe injuries when he was run over by The Roadrunner while crossing a highway. Hospital officials refused to release any details of the condition ogf Bugs saying, “His death would be traumatic to the children of America, and the entire world.”

Children’s spokeschild Lisa Butterfield responded with, “Who’s Bugs Bunny?”