That was the announcement Tom Conners made on his "The Real America" show. His show was the number one show on cable. He covered anything and everything in his own obnoxious, abrasive style. He was an obnoxious, abrasive man anyway so he was paid to do what he’d did for free.. What a racket.

Conners was coming out of make-up when he poked his head into the Green Room to eyeball his guest. He failed to do that because his guest was standing instead of sitting and was eight feet tall. Conners made a mental note to alert security to lay on some extra people, armed extra people. Actually, interviewing Sasquatch without bars between them made Conners a mental case. Well, not just that. There was that no hat, no pants incident.

"So, umm, Mr., uh, er, do you have a name?", Conners led off.

"Of course I do. It’s Herman", the Sasquatch replied.

"Herman what?"

"Sasquatch. We don’t have two names. Some of us aren’t that bright and we don’t want any confusion", Sasquatch told him.

"Us? You mean there’s more of you!?", Conners asked excitedly while glancing at his beefed up security, who were glancing around nervously and holding their hands very close to their guns. Would a .40 caliber stop this thing? Would a ?

"What? You didn’t do well in biology, I see. What, you think we’re amoebas?"

"No, I just never thought there were more than one of you. Guess there’d have to be", Conners said.

"Guess so".

"Do you, umm, is it one male, one female-"

"Huh? We ain't into kinky, okay? I ought to reach over there and rip your face off!", Sasquatch replied, causing Donner to jerk back and one of the security guards to start to draw his automatic. That got him a glare and he, wisely, froze.

"Where did you learn to speak English so good", Conners asked.

"Well. Well, not good. At mission school", Sasquatch told him.

"Really?", Conners almost shouted.

"Of course not you twit. I learned it from my parents who learned from theirs and so on. We might have originally learned in at mission school. Who knows?", Sasquatch said with a wink.

"You'd think there'd have been some mention of, uh-"

"A big, hairy, naked monster? Think so?"

"Well", Conners responded, looking at his security guards.

"What do your kind eat?", Conners continued.

"My kind? What's that supposed to mean?", Sasquatch replied, getting a little angry. The security people were getting a little nervous. Most were wishing they had loaded hollow points. The rest were wishing they’d called off sick.

"I just meant, you know, you're an animal and-"

"We eat nuts and berries, squirrels, blondes, fish-", Sasquatch started to explain.

"What a minute! Blondes? Did you say blondes?", the incredulous host yammered.

"Yea, they taste better, except the bleach blondes. They taste like crap."

"But that's, that's, umm-"

"What? People eat animals, so we eat people. Well, blonde people. Don't like that? Don't go walking in the forest then."

"I notice you aren’t wearing clothes."

"Nope. All those women backstage noticed that too. Several times. We’re all into nudity. It’s a cultural thing except we have nothing to be ashamed of or at least embarrassed by."

"What sort of, umm, uh, I mean, do you have tribes or something or little family groups or-"

"Yea, we have little family groups. that's why we have so many morons and why we haven't made much progress- ever. We use a from of government called The Big Fist."

"The what?"

"The Big Fist. Whoever has the biggest fist rules. Right now, that's me. Soon as someone with a bigger fist comes along, I'm out."

"What happens to you then?", Conners asked hoping for a bloody ending.

"I become one of the guys."

" Oh. Are there many , uh, groups?"

"A few, We don't know for sure. The smaller ones we take over. The bigger ones we hide from, the way we hide from you humans."

"Yet you're here on national television on "The Real America" show."

"Yea, I am. I'm not hiding anymore. I want to be a star and get my own show or maybe a movie or something. Really, I'm tired to death of berries and squirrels. Not blondes though. If I get rich I can have all the blondes I want."

"You can't get away with eating them!"

"Well, not really. I'm sure they can come up with something we could both enjoy. That’s what makes America great."