Bigfoot, or Sasquatch, or whatever, is supposed to be half-animal and half-human. Some purists, or pure nuts, claim that Bigfoot and the Yeti are the same creature or, if not, first cousins. What effect a union between them would be no one knows. Maybe some mutant beachcomber. That actually might explain some of the beachcombers.

Davey Harper didn’t believe or disbelieve in Bigfoot. He enjoyed the stories and the documentaries showing Bigfoot looking like someone in a moldy ape costume. Davey also thought that Bigfoot wasn’t waving an acknowledgment. He was giving all of us the finger. Davey Harper didn’t care as long as Bigfoot stayed out there and not come in here.

Davey Harper was an outdoorsman. He loved to hunt, fish, and hike. He liked it a lot more after he found out that Cynthia wasn’t the sweet, loving, gentle soul he married. She was the nasty, hateful, harridian he was married to. He liked the outdoors a lot more now. Especially since Cynthia hated the outdoors.

“It breaks me out”, she would tell him. Well, yell at him when he was going to go hunting or fishing.

Davey had a great fishing spot on a mountain stream that no one else knew about. Great mountain trout. He’d catch a bunch and eat them for the whole weekend. He loved trout. Cynthia hated trout. She hated all fish. She hated all seafood.

“It breaks me out”, she’d yell at him.

Davey was making good time up the mountain. As he rounded a turn in the deer path, he spotted him. Bigfoot! The Bigfoot was caught unexpectedly. He didn’t hear Davey coming because he was busy grunting. He didn’t see Davey coming because he was busy making sure he didn’t get any on himself. Bigfoot hated that. Bigfoot was squatting doing his business.

Davey came to a fast halt. He believed in Bigfoot now. Thing was, was Bigfoot the shy, gentle creature that legend and folklore said? Davey had been fooled by Cynthia, why not Bigfoot? If Bigfoot was anything like Cynthia, Davey butt was in a sling.

Meanwhile, Bigfoot had wiped his butt with some leaves and looked up to see Davey. Bigfoot jumped up. My God, Davey thought, he’s gotta go eight feet or more. Gotta weigh in at 400 pounds, Davey thought. I ain’t got a gun on me, Davey also thought.

Bigfoot wondered if this was another of those stupid things he’d see pointing something at him once in a while. He usually just walked away after giving them the finger. This one, if he was one, was right here in front of him. Well, he wasn’t pointing anything at him. He was just standing there peeing himself. Seems harmless, but so did Bigchest. Then she beat the crap out of him.

Bigfoot and Davey both backed off slowly. After a safe distance, Davey gave the Bigfoot the finger. The Bigfoot returned it.