Ever wonder who thought that putting the toilet inside the house was a great idea? Flushing is good; heated room is good; inside? Who thought having one off the kitchen was a stroke of genius?

How did Elvis Presley become a god? How does a fat drug addict get to be worshipped at the Shrine of Graceland? They say he’s worth more dead than he ever was alive. To me he certainly is. His being dead is priceless.

Don’t you think that Britney Spears has become a professional virgin? Exactly what is the difference between her and Madonna other than Madonna never tried to trick us?

Gambling is illegal because it is a danger to society. If so, why isn’t there any danger when the state does it? Why hasn’t the federal government started a National Lottery. They could sell billions in tickets, not pick any winner, and rake in all the loot. They try it now with the IRS but they miss a few dollars here and there.

How can you believe in God but not the devil? If there’s no satan, why do you need God? What’s he going to do if your bad? Yell at you? My dad did that and it didn’t change anything I ever did. If he could have threatened to set me on fire then I would have paid more attention to him. Maybe.

Why am I supposed to feel sorry for the people who lost money in the stock market? They were buying something that wasn’t real with money that wasn’t real or theirs to begin with and have lost nothing except paper. They still eat, wear clothes, and have a roof over their heads. All they’ve lost is something “cool” to talk about.

Why is it the New York Times can’t figure out why the prison population is going up while the crime rate is going down? Could it be because we’re putting the crooks away? Is that possible? Let’s see- lock a crook up, he can't commit a crime, the rate goes down. Something doesn’t add up here.

Back to toilets. Why didn’t the genius who came up with toilet paper think to print stuff on it? Everyone reads on the toilet so why not read the toilet paper? No, we have to take a book or a magazine with us. Haven’t you ever forgotten to do that until you’ve already commenced firing? Makes going a bore.

In the old days of cold, smelly outhouses you knew you were six or eight feet from the bad stuff. Now, there’s very little to separate you from it. Isn’t that a happy thought?

Well, gotta go.