The Fear Of Rain

Call them what you will. Call them ridgerunners, rugged individualists, nature boys, good ole boys, hillbillies or rednecks. It doesn’t matter. They all have one thing in common: fear of rain.

Lightning doesn’t bother them anymore than tornadoes or earthquakes. Hurricanes give them the heebie-geebies, though. It’s not the wind, it’s the rain that comes with it. The fear of rain has a simple explanation. If they get wet and dry off with a clean rag or a towel, they are cleaner than they were. That’s a big fear with them. It’s an affront to their lifestyle. Sure, sometimes they get wet and dry off with a filthy, oily rag that leaves them dirtier but that’s a risk.

“Listen, you took a bath or a shower this morning, right?”, one of them says.

“Of course. I do everyday. Sometimes, if I’ve perspired a lot, I’ll take a second one”, the clean guy answers.

“Per, uh, what?”.

“Sweat a lot”.

“Oh. Okay. Here you are, real clean and ready to go. What happens? You get dirty again. Must or else you wouldn’t have to bath again the very next day. Me, I figure, why waste that time? If I’m going to get up dirty, why bother? Know what I mean?”

“Yea, I know what you mean. What about the people around you. After a while, you get, umm, well, to be honest, ripe”.

“I never noticed. I figure the real reason women wear perfume is to hide the smell in the evening. Some a that perfume is pretty ripe too”.

“Uh, yea. Okay. Umm, I’d like to continue this conversation but it’s going to rain and my windows are down”.

“What! Rain?! See ya!”.