After hearing the report from the accountants the Right Reverend Samuel “Billyboy” Gilliam called a meeting of his elders.

“Okay, we’re down 8 percent in revenue for the year. I hate to say this but the price of sin is going to have to go up.”

There was a collective groan from the elders. They would have to explain why the ministry needed more funds. God help them if an outsider ever got a peek at the books. No, God wouldn’t help them. He’d probably send them straight to Hell. If the love of money was the root of all evil they were in for it. They rooted around like hogs.

Billyboy loved to preach the word of God or at least his version of it. The elders had several times had to explain Billboy’s quotes from scripture as “interpretive reading”. No one knew what that meant so it flew like a bird. Billyboy had the people eating out of his hands. He made Jesse Jackson sound like a stumbling stutterer. The man could talk.

The man could spend too. Having a driver saved him time driving to the station that could be spent in prayer. That it was spent listening to music wasn’t a well-known fact. Nor was Billyboy’s “secretary”. The drawn curtains were to protect Billyboy’s eyes from the sun. He was very sensitive to that.

“Woman was put here to serve man and, man, she can serve”, Billyboy told the elders once.

Billyboy would walk through the accounting office and grab a fistful of money that had been sent in. Since it hadn’t been counted yet he said, “If you haven’t counted it, it doesn’t count.”

Billyboy was a big believer in guilt. He had found out early that guilt paid better than the Promiseland. By sending in money people were assuaging guilt they didn’t know they had until Billyboy explained it to them.

“The problems we have are all your own fault. God didn’t invent problems and the Ole Devil didn’t either. By your donations we can fight to rid the world-” of whatever he thought at the moment.

Billyboy did most of his fighting in the sauna with his secretary. This gal could never drown, that’s for sure. Billyboy claimed he was closer to God in water. It was symbolic of baptism. He could commune with God easier that way. God only know what God thought of it.

The elders finally came up with a figure that would see them in the black for the year. They needed a dollar a year more from each one on the mailing list. They sent out a letter.

“”Dear sir or Madam,

The price of sin has just gone up.”