Captain Long John Silverbeard stood on the poop deck looking at his crew, such as it was. What it was was enough to make a pirate cry, which Silverbeard often did when he was in his cups.

Over on the starboard side was Peg-leg Shanty. Shanty was of the best seaman afloat until he had his accident. Now, he was still capable, but not too sprightly. The Captain was practicing his swashbuckling, to find favor with the ladies admiring his moves, which the crew didn’t understand since the only ladies they ever encountered didn’t care what moves you made as long as the first one was for some coins. The Captain had just jumped down on the deck and making a wide slash with his cutlass when Pegleg Shanty, until then known as Bob Shanty, came from below. The captain cut his leg off.

Shanty lay on the deck screaming. The Captain stood on the deck screaming.

“Blimey! What a sharp blade! Shanty, you swab, you did a superb job indeed on me cutlass. It’s a sharps as- Blimey, lad, belay that screaming. It’s just a leg. The carpenter can make you a peg leg. Just be glad, me bucko, that you didn’t come up a second later. The carpenter could carve you a new head but you’d be dead”.

Shanty, now called Pegleg, always looked to see where Silverbeard was while he was on deck. He thought the Cap’n to be, “a wee bit addled, me hearties, a wee bit. I’d not be turning me back to him, was I you”.

A little further along was Longneck Harrrison, who indisputably was a bit addled. He was a good mate but a little bit jumpy. Being hanged is probably what did that, Silverbeard thought. Harrison deserved to be hanged, robbing a rich man’s servant and getting caught red-handed two doors down at the Fish and Crown. There was a new hangman, who used a new rope which stretched when they swung Harrison out over the Thames as an example to other thieves. The rope broke but not before stretching Harrison’s neck. Harrison didn’t want to be a pirate and didn’t like being one. He merely hated being hanged which he would be if the King’s agents ever caught up to him again. Next time he might not be so fortunate.

Unlike other pirates, Long John Silverbeard never massacred the crews, carried off the ladies, stole the booty and then burned the ships, sending them to the briny deep. Not that he had any particular qualms about it. He'd have loved too but he never prevailed in taking a ship. His crew wasn’t all that able.

The only time they got any swag was hitting some small settlement along the coast. They always checked for cannon first. They’d all but been sunk by one town militia. Captain Silverbeard wanted no repetition of that. He’s send a man to reconnoiter first. If all was clear, they’d shoot a small number cannonballs toward the town and wait for the white flag.

Silverbeard would send his second-on-command ashore to demand ransom. They wanted all the money and some of the women. They usually got 50%#163; and no women. The one time women were offered, Silverbeard had them sent back. They were too homely even for his crew. Silverbeard wasn’t all that certain they really were women and he didn’t want that problem onboard his ship.

Women weren’t hard to obtain. There were saucy wenches to be enjoyed all along the coast. They’d be in small, backwater ports not utilized by regular ships. They were a little on the ugly side and smelled sort of ripe but then so did the pirates. The point was they were cheap, real cheap. That was good for Silverbeard’s crew. The only trouble was when you’d run into a proud one. Once, at a tavern, Silverbeard called a woman a saucy wench. She slugged him with a mug. "I'm an honorable prostitute, I'll have you know".

Silverbeard was tiring of this constant tacking back and forth in this cove. The reason for that was the H.M.S. Endeavor, a Royal British Navy warship. The Endeavor has surprised Silverbeard and he barely made it into this cove. The Endeavor was too big to come in after him. It was also too powerful for him to try to outrun. The tacking was to give the Brits a moving target although they didn’t seem to be trying very hard to hit him.

They weren’t. The gunners, along with the rest of the Endeavor’s crew, were royally pissed off at their captain, Captain Horatio Blowhard. He wouldn’t permit them topside unless their duty required it. They were stuck in the hot, humid, foul hold as punishment for knocking Midshipman Markington out and robbing him. He initially ordered the entire crew hanged from the yardarm until his First Mate, Lt. Chevington, pointed out that it would leave only the Captain, himself and Mr. Markington to sail the Endeavor.

“I’ve reevaluated my decision. They are confined below unless on duty. Also, their rum ration is to be held back. They should consider themselves lucky I’m not a martinet”, the Captain said.

Chevington, who would never command a ship of the line due to lack of a good family name, thought the crew was going to mutiny. They would have except that it was pointed out to them that none of them could navigate the ship. They’d end up sailing around until they died of hunger or thirst.

“By God, I’ll drink rum and pass on the water”, one old hand said. He was beaten up right on the spot.

The Captain was getting tired of tacking back and forth. He knew his gunners were deliberately missing the pirate ship. He decided on a bold plan of action.

“Mr. Chevington!”

“Aye, Captain, did you want me, sir?”

“I summoned you, didn’t I. Why would I do that if I didn’t want you to come to me? That’s one of the reasons you will never command a Royal Navy ship. That and your poor family situation. Chevington, you are the only naval officer I know who has to support himself on his pay. Must be tough, in peacetime, living on half pay.”

Chevington decided he’d side with the crew if they mutinied. He’d find a place for them to sail to. He wouldn’t consent to the crew killing the Captain, though. He’d keep him around as a cabin boy.

“Lieutenant, I grow weary of this infernal waiting sport. Rouse the crew and set sail into that cove. Have the guncrews standing ready.”

“Sir?! Sir, we can’t sail into the cove. We’d run aground.”

“Chevington, I’ve been an officer in His Majesty’s Navy, man and boy, for forty years. I’ve never run aground yet. I don’t intend to sail onto the beach. We are a wooden ship, sir, we float. You have you orders, sir, carry on.”

Longneck Harrrison told Silverbeard that the Royal Navy was sailing into the cove.

“Longneck, you are more deranged than anyone I know. Even the-”, he started to say.

For the Royal Navy, there was good news and bad news. The bad news was that they ran aground. The good news was it was low tide. When hide tide came, they managed to struggle their way back into deeper water. The crew of the Endeavor openly talked of mutiny and broke into the rum rations.. The pirates drank and carried on and drank some more.

Captain Horatio Blowhard, oblivious to any of this, ordered all hands into the boats. He would personally lead a raid of the pirate vessel and out an end to this affair.

Silverbeard, well into his cups, ordered all the pirates, conscious or not, into the boats. He would personally lead them on a raid of the British warship. Then he’d have e reputation to be feared.

The two flotilla’s passed each other in the night. Each found a deserted ship. Each captain came to the same conclusion.

“Burn this stinking tub!”, Blowhard ordered.

“Burn this monstrosity!”, Silverbeard ordered.

The two flotilla’s again passed each other in the night. Each found a burnt out hulk of a ship. Each captain came to the same conclusion.

“Blimey!”, yelled Captain Horatio Blowhard.

“Blimey!”, yelled Captain Long John Silverbeard.