Clarence woke up with a vague, uneasy feeling. It wasn’t the hangover. He was used to that feeling. No, it was something different. As he scrambled the eggs, it came to him. He forgot to file his income tax! This made 23 years in a row. He hoped the government wasn’t going to send one of their agents out to snoop around ands ask those stupid questions like ten years ago.

“Mr. Morti_”, the IRS agent started to say.

“Clarence, just call me Clarence”.

The agent though that over and decided it was to his advantage to put this guy at ease before pulling the rug out from underneath him. This guy had never filed a return. This was going to earn him some big brownie points.

“Okay, Clarence it is. Clarence, we were wondering why you have never filed an income tax return as required by law”.

“Why was you wondering that for. Heck, all you ever had to do was ask an’ I’d a told you. I’m a good citizen, not like that sneaky Billy Waner, all the time trying to cheat.”

The agent made a note to check on one William Waner. Now, back to this individual.

“Sir, you had to have had some income. You can’t live for free. You have to have some earned income”.

“You talking cash money? No, can’t say as I ever made any a that. Never needed to. Pappy left me this house and the land. I raise some chickens for the eggs and dinner. I get my share a deer with a bow I made. Ain’t got no ‘lectric. Got me a well though. Good mountain spring water. Well, dang me, I’m empty-headed. You wanna a glass of water?”, Clarence said.

“Uh, no, no thank you. What I want is to know how you live with no income. You have to buy something. Clothes, groceries you can’t grow or something.”

“No, can’t say as I ever have. When Pappy died on me, I kept his clothes. He weren’t needin’ them no more. I grow what I eat and I eat what I grow. No, never had no money, ceptin’ Papy’s insurance money. I know that’s got no taxes. Heck, I still got most of it”, Clarence patiently explained.

“Ha! There we have it! The bank must pay you some interest!”.

“Well, I don’t know why they would seeing as how I don’t have no money in there. I wouldn’t trust no bank. I have it hid somewhere’s.”

“Mr. Mortimer, I will be back and you will be paying taxes. Trust me”.

Well, he never got back and Clarence never paid any taxes. Clarenece felt bad that he didn’t file something. He didn’t feel at all bad that he didn’t pay something.