When Johnny No Job was first introduced to the family he was described as a chef. This was very impressive to a family that considered hot dogs as cuisine. Turns out he was the fry maker at McDonald’s. The family was less impressed then.

“Not just anyone can work at Mickey D’s”, his intended told her family.

“No, no one who wants a future can’t”, someone told her.

“Hey, man, I got a future. I ain’t suicidical”, Johnny No Job yelled out.

Well, that disappointed everyone right there. No, it only seemed that way. No one wanted him to commit hari-kari. A real bad accident would do just as well. No, that’s not true either. Mostly, they just didn’t want invited to the wedding.

“Cripes, that would be worse than the ribbon-cutting at the outhouse”, one of the uncles remarked.

“I don’t see the difference”, another uncle argued.

By wedding, they were talking a legal one. Not the one they had the month before only to find out the day of the wedding that Johnny No Job was still married to his cousin. He thought she’d divorced him. Turns out she didn’t. She didn’t want a rift in the family. Johnny tried for a no-fault divorce but the judge told him, “No way in three worlds can you not be at fault. File for the regular kind.”

“Aww, Uncle Pete, come on”, Johnny No Job cried.

The bride-to-be father said that Johnny No Job was the finest young man the girl had ever dated. The girl either was a true spinster or what kind of guys had she been dating? This is her best shot? Jeez!!

Johnny No Job drove her up in a real nice car. It was brand new. Johnny No Job said it wasn’t his. He said he’d borrowed it from someone. He didn’t say if he knew that someone. He said he’d hot-wired it because he lost the key. His fiancee said it was quite a thrill when he blasted people with the siren. Paid for the whole trip up that way.

The wedding went off fairly smooth. The minister told the parents of the bride that he didn’t,“ really approve of Johnny No Job but , then, he didn’t like them that much either.”

He kept that to himself and didn’t make a public fuss like the bride did when Johnny No Job showed up an hour late. His excuse was that he forgot about it until just then. The reception was held at McD’s, of course. The manager, as a wedding gift, let everyone supersize for free.

The bride’s family showed up the next week and waited an hour before calling to see what was going on.

“Uh, nothing”, the bride’s father told them, “they decided to get married early and , I guess, we forgot to tell you.”