The match was over almost as soon as it started. 400-lb Linda “Fatty” Horowich grabbed the 100-lb Chiquita “Banana” Lopez, twirled her around for show and then slammed Chiquita face-down in the mud. Then, Linda slipped in the mud and sat down on Chiquita. She was so fat and so slimy she couldn’t get up. Chiquita was losing air fast. She couldn’t budge.

Seeing the danger, the owner of the bar yelled for some men to get “Fatty” off Chiquita. Several men hopped into the muck to go to the rescue. Chiquita's world was getting dark and hazy and had little goblins running around in it. The men grabbed Linda and pulled as hard as they could. “Fatty” didn’t get pulled up, she only slid down a little. This put her butt on top of Chiquita’s head. The effort and the strain caused an escape of gas.

The mud in the ring began to bubble like tapioca simmering. Tapioca it wasn’t. Suddenly, the air bubble burst, sending mud and smell everywhere. Guys were diving out the windows, the ones still conscious. Guys with cigarettes had small explosions in their face. One guy commented that his beer, “tasted funny”.

They decided to try to push Linda off before Chiquita suffocated. They pushed Linda with all their might. All that happened was that their feet went out from underneath them and they landed on top of Chiquita. At this point, Chiquita was thinking she was St.Chiquita, the patron saint of mud-wrestlers. Call on her when you need a little help. Well, Chiquita needed a lot of help but didn’t know it anymore.

The guys grabbed the fish netting from over the bar and netted “Fatty”. Then, after the owner bitching about it, pulled Linda in. Not in, but off Chiquita. Chiquita’s man, Jose de Maria la Guadalope, managed to yank Chiquita up out of the mud. he instantly began mouth to mouth with her. Chiquita returned it. The owner had to toss a bucket of ice on them.