“Okay, let’s see if I got this right. You say you were held up by a monkey?”, the disbelieving detective asked. Even in the Big Apple there was room for surprises. It was a very small room but it was there.

“A monkey with a gun. A foul-smelling monkey with an ugly gun. Oh, he was wearing a mask too”, the victim answered.

“A monkey wearing a mask and carrying a gun This wouldn’t be some delicate way of saying you were held, allegedly held, up by an Afro-American man, would it?”, another detective asked.

“Huh? No. I was held up by a monkey, a real, actual monkey. You know, like Cheetah in the Tarzan movies.”

“With a real, actual gun. Cheetah didn’t carry a gun. I’ve seen all the Tarzan movies and Cheetah never carried a gun”, the first detective said snidely.

“Can’t say for positive sure if it was real or not. I didn’t exactly ask him to fire it at me”, the victim returned the snide.

“Listen, clown, we got more useful things to do than deal with nut cases. Go have a drink and go home”, the second detective said.

“I want to report a crime. I don’t drink. After the monkey taking my wallet, I have to wait for my wife to come and get me. I want to file a report. I’m the victim of a crime.”

“That you were mugged by a monkey”, snide #1 said.

“Could it have been a short gorilla?”, snide #2 asked.

“Yea, I suppose it could have been a dwarf gorilla. If there is such a thing. Is there?”, the victim answered.

“How would I know! I’m a cop not a zoo, uh, whatchacallit”, one of the cops said.

“Well, I’m just saying I assume it was a monkey. That’s what it appeared like to me. It could have been a dwarf gorilla or a midget”, was the response to that.

“A midget? First it was a monkey. Then it was a dwarf gorilla. Now, it may have been a midget. You trying to tell us that you think a midget got a hold of a monkey suit and a gun and held you up? Huh?”, the second detective asked.

“Well, no. I think it was a regular monkey. Like the ones you see in zoos, except this one was wearing a mask and had a gun.”

“Regular monkeys don’t rob people, don’t wear masks and don’t carry guns. I’ve been to Monkey Island at the zoo. No place to hide one, for one thing. Maybe you should make this report over at Bellevue”, the first detective suggested.

“Okay. let’s make believe this is real. Describe the, umm, assailant”, the second cop asked

“It was a monkey”.

“Any distinguishing characteristic?”

“Yea, the gun.”

“Was it a male or a female? Don’t try to tell me you didn’t sneak a peek..”

“Umm, well, yea., it was a female.”

“Where did this mugging happen? Where!? There are only two reasons to go there, drugs and whores. Apparently you got at least one of them. Mugged by a gun carrying, masked monkey.”

“It’s the truth!”, the victim yelled.

The phone rang and Super-Snide answered it. He listened for a minute and said they’d be right there. He turned to his partner and told him, “There’s been another unusual mugging where this guy claims he got hit.”

“What! You mean, this monkey thing is real!?”

“Don’t know about that. This time the mugger is a naked woman.”

“Let’s roll, partner!”