Moles come in two varieties. The kind that tunnel in your yard and the others. The others aren’t any problem. The ones that tunnel into your yard are a crisis. Your walking along and suddenly step through the grass. There’s a trench in your newly seeded yard. Half the garden is missing. The dog won’t come out of his house which means the mole has been teasing the dog.

You go to the hardware store to buy some MoleOut. You spread it according to the directions and then add some more. No sense in wasting the stuff. The mole, who is illiterate, ignores the MoleOut. MoleOut does turn the grass brown, cause the dog to have fits and makes the tomatoes taste funny.

The mole is poking it’s head up by the garage, although you don’t see it. No one has actually ever seen a mole. For years they were considered a myth. The moles preferred it that way. Then some scientist or biologist, whatever, said they were real. No proof of it just as there no proof the atom exists. The mole is trying to figure out what you’re doing.

The dog sees the mole and starts howling at it. Dogs have always known that moles were real and that cats should be killed on sight. Dog, being man’s best friend, wanted man to know about moles but a bark is just a bark and a kiss is just a kiss or something like that.

The mole hears the dog and wonders what the dog’s problem is. Can’t still be mad about tunneling under him and causing a cave-in that scared the stupid dog senseless. Can’t be that, can it? Are dogs that dumb?

The man hears the dog howling and wonders, now what? That dog howls at his own shadow. He’s pulling the chain so hard that he’s choking himself. He’s trying to get at something by the garage. Well! The man unhooks the dog and tells him to attack. Maybe the dog, with his greater sense of smell, knows where the mole is.

This catches the dog off guard, he never expected the man to let him go. If he had thought that he wouldn’t have howled. Now what? Stay here and be teased as a sissy dog or attack the mole and get ripped where no dog wants ripped. The dog does the only sensible thing. He runs toward the mole and pulls up lame. Yea, have to go to the vet and get a shot but that’s better than taking a shot from that mole.

The mole, vastly amused, laughs so hard he falls down his own hole and hurts his back. Stupid dog! Now the mole is easy prey for the man. Can’t tunnel away. The man has him. Hope he shoots me and doesn’t use a shovel. A mole is a mole not a cat. The mole wants to go out quick and easy. The dog just wants to go period.

The man heads to the garage, scaring the dog and worrying the mole. The mole makes peace with God and wonders if it’s true that all moles go to Heaven. The dog’s scared the man will see the mole and realize the dog was running a scam with his injury. Hope he shoots me and doesn’t use a shovel. Save the shovel for the cats.

The man gets out the van and loads the dog in and leaves for the vet. Bad day. Mole rips up the yard; dog rips his tendons.

The vet will rip the man off.