Montana's New Marriage Idea

There’s a bill in the Montana Legislature allowing marriage between humans and cattle. This came about through the same sex marriages allowed in Massachusetts. The thinking is that there aren’t enough people in Montana to continue the old ways. It also would put Montana on the map. Okay, it’s on the map but no one knows it.

“Well, bub, it’s like this. We ain’t got near enough unmarried folks to go around. Sometimes we have too many gals and sometimes we have way too many guys”, explained state Senator Robert “Big Hat” Donaldson.

Louise Shiver, head of the Montana PETA, blasted Donaldson’s bill.

“It’s one thing to slaughter the cows just so we can eat. It’s another thing to allow people to marry them. It’s ain’t right and Big Hat knows it”.

“It would cut the divorce rate down considerably. Instead of a divorce, we’d just have a big ole barbecue. ‘Course, Louise wouldn’t come to it but most folks would.”.

Governor Howdy Smith said he was still undecided about it.

“Yea, I grew up around cows. I learned the facts of life from them. Still, I ain’t never met one I’d a wanted to marry. I was a little sweet on Daisy but I found out she’d let anyone sidle up to her. Heck, where would we sleep? I ain’t sleepin’ in no drafty ole barn and I sure as shootin’ don’t want no gassy cow in the house. What kind a marriage would that be?”

“It’d be the same marriage you have now, Howdy. Your wife is my wife’s sister an’ I know what goes on out at your place”, Senator Donaldson told him.

The churches opposed it.

“God wouldn’t want people marrying animals. Marriage is between one man and one woman”, spokesman The Right Reverend Robert “Billy” Casey announced.

“Well, that’s all fine and dandy”, Donaldson responded. “I ain’t talking about guys hitchin’ up with bulls and women hitchin’ up with cows. That’s just plain wrong. It’s easy to condemn something when you can’t get married no way”.

No one has asked the cows what they want.