Man Purse

After reading the comics, I turn to the Dear Abby column. The unintelligible, inane, unreal quality of the letters and , sometimes, answers make my day better. No matter what happens, my day can’t be as unintelligible, inane, or unreal as this. On a good day, the letter and the advice are both unintelligible, inane, and unreal. Then it’s like a having a talisman against a bad day.

One morning, after reading Dear Abby, I noticed the article next to it. It was titled, “Many men shake off stigma of carrying handbag”. It was an article written by Tanika White of the Baltimore Sun. It starts out, “Some call it the man bag. Some call it a mouse....... Jerry Seinfeld tried to call it a carry-all. Finally, he had to admit the truth”.

“It’s a man purse”.

A man purse. Rolls right off your tongue like Rosie O’Donnel doing a high-dive wearing a string bikini. A man purse. A man dress. A man bra. A man panty. A man lipstick. The article upset my day.

The guys carrying them, according to Ms. White, say there’s no reason to stuff all their carrying around things stuffed in their pockets instead of tossing them in a purse. Yes, there is. First of all, no one looks twice at a guy with bulging pockets except store security guards. Secondly, everyone looks at a guy carrying a purse.

One woman quoted in the article said, “We still want our men to be men”.

I can see a guy trying to hit on a woman in a bar only to be rejected because of his purse.

“Yea, he was cute but the purse turned me off”, one gal says.

“Yea, it’s nicer than yours”, her friend comments.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”.

I figure it this way. If I need a purse, I’m either carrying around too much stuff or I need pants with a lot more pockets. Maybe I need to stop carrying all my belongings around like some bag lady. What I don’t need is a man purse.