According to what the news media is saying, Mickey Mouse is going to get a makeover. It’s supposed to be a complete overhaul of his entire image. Disney says that, “Mickey has always been cool but no one knew it”. No, no one did. Mickey mouse is about as cool as a dead fish on a Florida beach.

Disney sees lots of marketing opportunities with this. That means even more money for them. Since the cartoon characters don’t get a cut it’s all profit. It’s just like stealing from the bank and not getting caught. Who wants to be the only kid in the neighborhood without the new Mickey Mouse item.

“Hey, Jimmy, that lunchbox is so yesterday”.

Jimmy goes home crying and Mom has to go buy him a new lunchbox. To make up the money she cuts back on the lunch. Jimmy doesn’t care. He’s hungry but cool.

The first thing they want to do is make Mickey look a little more rugged. As it is, he’s a bit sissified. The plan is to make an action movie with Mickey blowing up cars, shooting bad guys and almost cussing. They even have a signature line for him. “Yea, mouse this!”.

They also want to put out a rap song with Donald Duck and Goofy. They want to call the group 3+3−3=3. This was possibly suggested by someone who’s on drugs or should be. It’s being, “considered”.

Minnie is going to start wearing skirts short enough to show it all. That doesn’t mean much since, as a cartoon , she doesn’t really have any all to show. Mickey’s always been unhappy about this but can’t say much since he has no all either.

The biggest change, according to sources at Disney, is the name.

“Look”, says one mucky-muck, “a mouse isn’t very threatening. You catch one alive you tend to take it outside and let it go. It might go to your neighbor’s house but, heck, it probably started there anyway. No, Mouse doesn’t do it.”

“Well, it’s done it for 75 years”, one old-timer remarks.

“Yea, but times are changing. We need to change Mickey into a rat. Now, there’s fear. No one lets a rat loose. Rats all get killed, if you can do it. I’m talking fear here. Some scars too”.

“Mickey Rat?”, the old-timer asks.

“No, the Mickey has to go too. Mickey Rat has no pizzazz and it sure isn’t cool. Who’d respect a rat named Mickey”.

“What do you have in mind?”

“The Rambo Rat”.