Being mostly deaf, I have learned to read lips. I didn’t train to do it, I just developed it on my own. It makes communicating a lot easier but I also “hear” what people say about me when they think I’m out of earshot. One thing lip-reading has taught me is that people can be really ugly when they speak.

“I don’t know if he’s retarded or stupid.”

“Well, no one else in the family is retarded so he must be stupid.”

“No one else in the family is stupid, either.”

“Yea, well, there is that. Uh, oh, here he comes. Act nice.”

I, of course, “heard” what they said. I could walk up and tell them,

“I’m not retarded or stupid. I just act that way so you two won’t feel so inferior.”

I don’t because I’m not positive I’m smarter than them. I’m only a little sure I’m not stupid. I’m positive I’m not retarded. Reasonably positive. I don’t live in a group home.

Some people are amazed at my ability to size people up. I do that by reading their lips, seeing what they’re really saying and acting like I “just know”. It makes people think I’m more streetsmart than I am. Fact is, I’m streetstupid.

People with accents are a big problem. They form their letter differently. The fact that they might also be speaking a different language is no help either. I ran into that a lot when I moved to the South. I “heard” words I knew didn’t exist. I thought I was getting stupid as I got older. Then my wife explained it to me and I felt a lot better. Now I can almost make out what these Southerners are saying. That is, I can make out the words. Can’t make any sense out them but then neither can they. It’s all a big pretense.

Being mostly deaf but able to read lips gives me a big advantage. I can pick and choose what I hear and what I don’t. It’s the greatest excuse in the world. If someone is berating me, I keep asking them to repeat themselves until they get disgusted and walk away.