Lash LaRue rode at a leisurely pace up the street. He observed both sides of the street for any sign of wrongdoing. Correcting wrongdoing was his mission in life. He rested his right hand on his whip and his left hand on his gun. That left the horse to go wherever he wanted. Lash had a lot of confidence in the horse. The horse sometimes headed for a mare and Lash would have to use the whip. He didn’t like that since it got him into trouble with the animal rights people.

Suddenly, Lash smelled smoke. It wasn’t marijuana, it was cigar smoke. If Lash could smell it then it was second-hand smoke. Danger! All of Lash’s senses went off, especially his nose. Even more especially, his sense of indignant righteousness. Also, his common sense. Lash whipped out to snap that cigar out of the man’s mouth. He whipped the nose of the man instead. Then, as it turns out, it was a woman.

“Whatcha do that fer?”, the sheriff asked Lash.

“Second hand smoke is dangerous for your health. Smoking is dangerous for his, er, her health”.

“Well, you done took the nose of the only decent lookin’ hooker we got. That’s what you done”, the sheriff cried. He got a kickback and saw his revenue dropping now. Ought to shoot this guy.

“See? It wasn’t healthy. Hurt her career some”, Lash responded.

“Say, mister, who you be comin’ into town and whipping the nose offa the only decent lookin’ woman for a hundred miles around? Well, not the only one. Some of the married ones are real dolls too. Mostly, they ain’t available ceptin’ during round up.”, the sheriff asked.

“I’m Lash LaRue. You probably heard of me”.

“LaRue. LaRue. Nope, can’ says I ever heard a you. Don’ hear much about women gettin’ theys noses whipped off”, the sheriff told Lash.

“Well, it’s not all I do. I whip on outlaws, bullies, riff-raff, cattle rustlers, stagecoach robbers-”

“And not too shabby a lookin’ hookers”, the sheriff said.

“That was an accident like I told you. I was aiming at the cigar”, Lash tried to explain.

“Yea, but you got the nose of the only hooker you didn’t have to close your eyes and hold your breath for. Plus, she still has that cigar”, the sheriff added.

“Well, then I reckon you better stand clear. My job’s not finished”.