Lancelot Leaves On His Mission

Sir Lancelot was headed to the Middle East to seek the Holy Grail. It didn’t exist but it got Lancelot out of King Arthur’s hair and out of Genevieve’s bedroom. Lancelot knew he was on a fool’s mission and thought that, maybe, he was a fool for fooling around with the King’s lady. On the other hand, she was breath-taking and he couldn’t stay away from her.

He left Londonium on a merchant ship that sank a quarter-mile out. Lancelot, who loved to wear his armor to show off, almost drowned. He was pulled out by one of the sailors and could have sworn he heard Arthur’s sissy-like laughing. He double-checked the next boat and found a plug in the bottom. He spent the voyage to France sitting by the plug.

In France he was treated as a great warrior by the French people, who were the only people there. Lancelot loved this. He strutted about like a peacock, having flowers thrown to him by the ladies and turds by the men. One of them banged a rock off his helmet. Lancelot thought he should get on with his mission.

He needed the blessing of the Pope, of course. Problem was, this was one of those periods where there were two men claiming the throne of Peter. So, he had to get two blessings instead of one and suck butt of two guys instead of one. Lancelot was an old line butt kisser anyway so that didn’t bother him at all. Paying a tribute to two Popes did. Lancelot was a frugal, or cheap, Knight of the Round Table.

None of the ladies of Rome were the equal to Genevieve in beauty or talent but Lancelot did his best to forget whatshername. It took him three months to sail for Africa. Then, it was only because he was kidnapped and thrown onto the ship. Seems one of the ladies helping him to forget Genevieve was a “friend” of the Pope.

He found a plug on this ship too. So, he went to Africa siting on the bottom of the boat watching a plug. He hoped there weren’t two plugs. It was hot, dank and smelly. That reminded him of Genevieve. How sad.

They arrived in Africa. As Lancelot got off he was approached by an Arab who, through sign language, offered to sell him anything he needed. Lancelot didn’t buy women, at least not too often. He told, using charades, that he was In Search Of The Holy Grail.

The Arab pulled one out of his robe. The Arab let Lancelot know that Holy Grails were a dime a dozen but he knew some ladies that weren’t.

“Lead on, McDuff”, said Lancelot.