The lab monkeys were sitting around talking about how ridiculous humans were. The monkeys knew how to open their cages or, as the humans called them, “enclosed habitats”. They were cages. The monkeys had raided the refrigerator which would set off a brouhaha in the morning with the humans all accusing each other. The monkeys had already changed some of the data on the computers. Humans were getting the wrong ideas.

Robert, as the humans called him, was saying how goofy humans were.

“Look at them. No hair. I’d be embarrassed to have no hair. No wonder they wear clothes. It’s always the right temperature in here and they still wear clothes, the senseless twits”.

“Yea, even Elana. Man, that’s one hot babe. I mean, for a human”, Carl said.

“She’d be a hot babe as a monkey. A little funny looking with hairless skin...what am I thinking!?”, Robert responded.

The monkeys were in a mood this night to really jam up the works for the humans. They didn’t just change the results of this week’s work, they deleted it. Then they changed all the passwords. There! Let the geeky humans fix that!

Next they took all the stool samples and mixed them together and put a little back in each container. The humans would think there was an epidemic going around. Probably would be now.

Barbara, with two a’s, brought up a good point.

“That means we’ll all have to get shots. How clever was this?”

“We get shots all the time anyway, so what? I just wish they’d give us whatever that happy guy gives himself when no human is looking. He seems to like it”, Carl told her.

“You know, I can’t figure these humans out. Why all this fuss and bother? At home, we get up when we want, eat when we’re hungry, play when we’re in the mood and sleep when we’re tired. Why all this fuss?”, Robert brought up.

“I guess that’s just the way they are. Oh, and Robert? I’m not in the mood”, Barbara told him.

That put Robert in a funk. He suggested that they do an escape. Maybe head over to the Interstate and stop traffic and play “catch me if you can” with the police. The monkeys loved this game. The police always wanted to start shooting after an hour or so. Those humans had no sense of humor. They did have a huge vocabulary of cusswords.

Henry piped up at this.

“Oh, I don’t know. We did that just last week. We’re in a rut. We need to think up something else”.

“I have an idea. Let’s jam the doors so they have to break them down. It makes the humans go crazy. They can’t figure it out”, Barbara suggested.

“Nah, let’s let the rats out”, Robert suggested.

“No! No rats. They give me the willies. I don’t know why the humans keep them around. Jeez, they should either let them go or kill them. I’m open to either one”, Carl argued.

The rats heard this. Now they were mad. They asked which one had the bubonic plague. Let the monkeys have a taste of that. Those monkeys were worse than the humans.