The Sheriff told Deputy Joe Bob to go out and set up a speed zone on the Old Cooper Road. Joe Bob got right at it. He didn’t notice the smirks and choked back laughter of the other deputies. Joe Bob wasn’t the fastest runner in the race but he was enthusiastic. He also didn’t bore easily. Good thing, the Sheriff thought. There was almost no traffic on the Old Cooper Road. Joe Bob wouldn’t be doing anything except sitting there. The Sheriff didn’t want him doing anything but sitting there. He needed a day of rest from Joe Bob.

Meanwhile, Bubba and Earl were eating grits and eggs at Mama’s. They had a truck full of out of season meat in the back of their truck. It was enough to get them through the winter if they didn’t get caught. If they did get caught, it was enough to get them sent away for the winter. They had it either way.

As Joe Bob was sitting in his car wondering why the Sheriff thought this was a good place for a speed zone, Bubba and Earl were leaving Mama’s. She told them they could make better time if they used the Old Cooper Road.

“Shoot, ain’t hardly nobody drives it no more. Ya won’t have nothin’ to slow ya down none iffen ya want to make time”, she told them. She winked at Earl.

Earl would have liked to make some time with her but Bubba said he’d , “leave your surry butt heah. Ah means it, Earl. Wha, the old biddy old anaff a be your mama. Let’s git goin’ ”

Bubba was driving 90 miles an hour when he passed Joe Bob. He didn’t see him. Earl did. Joe Bob saw Bubba and turned the siren on. Joe Bob loved his siren. The Sheriff almost had it disconnected because he used it so much. Earl looked back and felt sick.

“Bubba, thet cop wan’ us to pull ovah”.

“Ah knows thet. He didn’ put thet siren on for nuthin’ ”.

“Sure enough hope he got a cold or one a them there sinus things. That meat got a right powerful smell right along now”, Earl said.

“Yea, it do. Hope this un ain’t one a them smarty pants lookin’ to git us for bein’ from somewhere’s else.”

Bubba pulled over to the side and watched as Joe Bob pulled in behind him. After a minute or so. the door opened and Joe Bob stepped out. Bubba’s heart sank as he watched Joe Bob adjust his hat just so; adjust his gun just so; adjust his sunglasses just so. Lawdy, thought Bubba, he’s a one a them.

Joe Bob strolled up to the truck. Bubba rolled down the window and said,

“Mornin’, afficer. Ah do somethin’?”

Joe Bob told Bubba, “You was goin’ a mite bit fast there.”

“How fast were Ah goin?’”, Bubba asked.

Joe Bob didn’t answer at first. He just stared at Bubba which made Earl nervous. He felt his bladder starting to hurt. He thought about all that meat in the back. He thought about spending the winter in jail. He thought about old Mama. Maybe she’d write to him. maybe when he got out she’d-

Joe Bob was through thinking. He hadn’t clocked them. He knew they were speeding but hadn’t clocked them. The Sheriff was going to be mad about this. Joe Bob felt the need to pee.

“Well, afficer, how fast were Ah a goin’?”, Bubba asked again.

“Bubba, maybe-”, Earl started to say.

“Hush, Earl. Ah have the right ta know how fast Ah were a goin.”

Joe Bob needed to pee real bad.

“Listen, I’m going to let you off with jus’’ a warnin’ this time. Watch how fast you going. Okay?”

“Yea, Ah hears ya”, Bubba told Joe Bob.

“I’d wash this truck were I you. It smells something awful in back. Like something dead back there. Have a nice day, hear?”