The hound lay on the sunny side of the porch snoozing. He wasn't real old but he was certainly no puppy. As he slept, he began dreaming of the bear. His legs started to twitch as he dreamed that he was caught by the bear. All he could see was two huge paws with sharp claws and a big mouth full of teeth. He could picture that bear doing a crude autopsy on him before he died. All teeth and claws. His legs were twitching like he was running faster asleep than he ever could while awake. His brain was firing neutrons like Clint Eastwood fired a Magnum.

The chihuahua was at the foot of the steps he couldn't climb making threats he couldn't keep. He was barking, squealing, yelping, yipping, howling and chasing his tail. He was rolling in the dirt and chasing a squirrel he'd better not catch. To the hound, he was a nuisance and a bother.. Daddy didn't like the little pain either in the butt since men never do. The little mutt was Mommy's baby. Daddy didn't even know the sex of the chihuahua but figured that really didn't matter.

He and Daddy were out last spring strolling through the woods; not hunting, just strolling to escape Mommy and her ferocious mouth. The hound could still spot a deer at 200 feet , a rabbit at 150 feet and a bear at 100 feet, which was nowhere near far enough. It was early spring and the bear had just came out of hibernation and was hungry, very hungry. He also felt very cranky. He'd had a bad hibernation. He couldn't quite get himself comfortable. He tossed and turned for days. Then there were the bats. They crapped all over the place. The bear didn't really care but he'd rather not sleep with his head in crap. He also thought the bats were creepy. He wasn't afraid of them but thought they were creepy what with the sleeping upside down. That's creepy.

He had no more than got to sleep when a couple of kids, with bat crap for brains, saw him, figured he was sound asleep and tossed rocks at him. He felt like roaring out of the cave and having a bedtime snack but was too tuckered out so he settled for just the roar. That scared the crap out of the kids.

He finally dozed off but came out of hibernation feeling cranky and in no mood for being messed with or bothered. He spotted the human and the dog. He thought back to last hunting season and the running away and the hiding. He thought it was payback time.

He charged right at the hound and Daddy. The hound started to follow Daddy when he saw Daddy climbing a tree as fast as he could. The hound couldn't climb the tree anymore than the bear could. All the bear could do would be to slash at Daddy and hope for a lucky hit. He could roar and scare the piss out of Daddy but that was about it. Didn't seem like enough fun for the effort. The hound was another matter. No safe haven for him. There was no place the hound could hide. All he could do was run as if his life depended on it, which it did.

The bear went the way the hound went. The hound was fast but the bear was faster. The hound only escaped by jumping over the gully the bear jumped into. Daddy bragged about how his dog distracted the bear so he could escape. The hound knew that loyalty only went so far. Not as far as distracting bears. The hound was a little old but not even a little crazy or close to being that stupid.

The chihuahua had his own bad dreams. He had them while he was awake. It was the rat. He had been in the barn and happened upon some mice. They were smaller than him. He spotted them and started barking, squealing, yelping, yipping howling and jumping in all directions which confused the mice for a moment. By the time he decided to attack, the mice were in their little holes and the chihuahua was barking at nothing. Then came the day he ran into the rat. He thought the rat was an ugly, skinny-tailed squirrel. He was but he was also a psychopath like all rats. He wasn't about to run from the tiny dog. In fact, he was going to attack the yapping,yipping little freak and tear it a new one.

One evening the hound got up from his spot in the living room to get a drink from the toilet when the chihuahua lost what little common sense he had and nipped the hound. At first, the hound couldn't believe the little pest had bit him. Then he grabbed the miniature dog and threw him through the screen door, across the porch and down the steps he couldn't climb. The chihuahua lay there in a daze trying to think of what happened to him. Mommy came shrieking out, cradled the chihuahua and started back into the house to throw a major hissy fit.

The hound and Daddy went strolling through the woods. After all, what's the worst that could happen? Run into a bear?