You Go Low, I'll Go High

Smitty and Bobby were police detectives. They’d been partners for twelve years. They’d never had a fight or a serious disagreement. They were friends off duty as well. They were, in the words of the Chief of Detectives, “like pillow squaws”.

This night would change all that. They had been building a drug case. They knew where the drugs were at, and when the sales took place and when the biggest amount of dirty money would be there. What they didn’t know was who the dealer was. They figured to solve this with a bust. Whoever was in there was the dealer. They had a very simple plan.

“Okay, Smitty, you go low and I’ll go high”, Bobby said. This was their usual practice.

“Hold on. Bobby. We don’t know anything about this dealer. That’s not normal but, okay, we take what we get. I don’t want to go low this time”, Smitty told him.

“What? You always go low and I always go high. What’s your problem?”, Bobby asked.

“My problem? Why is it my problem? I just don’t want to go low this time. Why is it my problem that you don’t want to go low?”, Smitty responded.

“Huh? I didn’t say I didn’t want to go low. I just called our usual thing, man”.

“If you didn’t want to go low you’d have called low as soon as I said I didn’t want to”, Smitty said.

“Smitty, are you okay? Maybe we ought ta make this bust another night if your feeling squeamish about it”, Bobby said.

“Squeamish? I never felt squeamish in my whole life. What’r ya saying, Bobby?”

“Nothing! I’m saying nothing! Why don’t you want to go low?”

“Well, I was thinking. What if this dealer, who we know nothing about, what if he’s a midget? Naturally, if he shoots, he’ll be shooting low. That’d be me”, Smitty explained.

“A midget. You’re afraid of a midget? Am I hearing you right? You’re afraid of a midget?”, Bobby asked.

“No, I ain’t. That’s not what I said”, Smitty replied.

“Well, that’s more like it. Okay, you go low and-”, Bobby started to say.

“No, I ain’t going low. I ain’t scared of a midget exactly.. I’m scared of a midget shooting a gun and shooting low cause he can’t shoot high”.