Dead goat dragging is the national pastime in Afghanistan. No, that’s not true. Shooting at people is the national pastime. Dead goat dragging is the national sport. Has been since the dawn of time. Wayback when, before they learned to ride horses, they played on foot. It was a lot like soccer. You can doze off and not much has happened except the number of casualties. It’s still played on foot in the poorer parts of the country but it’s considered bush league.

The big boys play it on horseback. This adds a lot of speed and excitement to the game for everyone except the goat. He’s dead. Each team starts with 20 psychopaths to a side. There are very few rules. Shooting your opponent, or one of your teammates, is a penalty. The penalty is that you have to play blindfolded for a period of time. The time is determined by how seriously you wounded your opponent. Killing one gets you kicked out of the game.

The object of the game is to drag a dead goat into a circle in the middle of the field or valley, depending on how much room is available. How you do it is up to you. This leads to a lot of exciting plays. There you are reaching down to grab the dead goat and your opponent stabs you in the leg. A great play if you grab your leg instead of the dead goat’s leg.

Another great move is to reach down at the same time as your opponent but uncinching his saddle instead of grabbing the goat. Your opponent laughs as he grabs the dead goat and takes off for the circle. You laugh when he falls off his horse. Then you grab the dead goat and head for the circle. Sometimes your opponent doesn’t let go of the dead goat and you drag them both into the circle. That’s called a two-fer. It gets you a bonus point.

The game continues until the dead goat becomes a dead, skinned goat at which time the game is over. Then there’s sometimes a lot of gunfire when the losers are sore sports. Sometimes there a lot of gunfire when the victors are celebrating. Most of the gunfire is aimed at the losers. There are no post-game interviews because of the danger and the smell.