President Bush asked a question. He asked it to a group of his most trusted advisors. People he was told he could trust and who were on the ball. His question was, “Can we make our estimate on the budget better. People don’t believe the one we made and it’s making me kinda goosey”.

The Secretary of the Treasury responded immediately. He definitely didn’t want Rumsfeld to get the floor.

“Sir, Mr. President, someone, I think it was Mark Twain, who was actually Samuel Clemens, once said, ‘ There are lies, damn lies and statistics’. I think we could correlate certain aspects of our forecast to change the perceptions that the American public, the voters, would accept”.

“You mean lie?”, the President asked.

“There are historical precedents for it. We can call it a national security issue if we get found out”.

Bush’s eyes started to glaze over. He didn’t understand any of what he’d just been told. Maybe someone would be able spell it out to him and the Secretary, whatshisname. They need to use small words.

Donald Rumsfeld, never at a loss for words, bounced right in.

“Do I wish our numbers were better? Golly yes. Do I wish we could level with the public? Heck no, why do that? Do I think we can fool them until after November? Gracious yes. Do I-”

Condezza Rice couldn’t take it.

“Rummy, I don’t know if “Rummy” is from your name or your drinking habits, but you don’t make any sense.”

The President told Rumsfeld, “You’re the guy that told me the Iraqi people would rise up to support us as triumphant heroes and form a democratic government and we could go home in couple of months. You told me-”

“Well, golly gee, Sir, I thought the Iraqi’s were smarter than they turned out to be. Do I wish they had been? Sure as shootin’. Do I wish our boys and girls were home? No qualms here. Do I wish-”

Rice couldn’t take it anymore. Now she grasped why the President’s eyes glazed over so often; why he didn’t ask a lot of questions. At his moment she couldn’t remember the original question.

“Don, I think-”, she started to say.

Rummy was too fast.

“Candi, I respect your ability as the National Security Advisor. As they once said, ‘You’ve come a long way, baby’. For a woman and as a colored woman. Am I wowed? Good golly yes. Am I-”

“You condescending, contemptuous, vainglorious, egoistic phony. I’m nobody’s baby. I’m not a colored woman, I’m a woman of color. That has nothing to do with anything. I’m the smartest person in this room, probably in this administration”, she told him.

The President of the United States sat there with his eyes glazed over. When he owned the Texas Rangers, they were losers but that wasn’t blamed on him. The baseball team not the “real” Texas Rangers. They were losers too but no one knew it and, as governor, Bush wasn’t telling. Talking to these people was like talking to chimps in a zoo, except the chimps might be right.