Then there’s the French. As has been said, “The French, bless them! They are always there when they need you”. Yes, they are. The French have managed to run a 500 year old scam on the world. The scam is that they are better than you, no matter who you are.

They like to say things like, “Ou repas de renoir”. Then they laugh. You don’t know what it means. It doesn’t mean anything. It just sound French.

The proper response is, “Spechen se Deutch?”. That stops the laughing.

The French try to act tough but they have an Army that hasn’t won a war in 500 years. Yet, somehow, someway, they think they’re tough cookies. As one American General said, “We can win in Irag in six days. If the French help, we can win in ten days”.

They eat snails. Enough said about their culinary delights right there. Won’t even talk about the hairy women or the sissy guys.

They took to the streets and threw the King out of office. Not knowing what to do with an un-employed King they killed him. Killed his wife too. With her it was personal. “Let them eat cake”, she said. The French hate cake. Off with her head. Power to the people!! Yes, for a couple of years until Napoleon came along and squelched that nonsense.

Actually, the French were happy under Napoleon. They thought they were restored to their glory. Napoleon didn’t care about their glory. He wanted their blood and their money. He wanted his own glory. The French to this day haven’t figured that out.

Wine. French wine is different from all other wines in one big way. It cost more. Doesn’t taste any better, just cost more. “But, sir, it is French”. That justifies charging two hundred dollars for a bottle of French wine that only tastes a little bit better than Mad Dog or Ripple. Okay, that’s ridiculous but it makes the point.

Cheese. The French have some of the greatest cheese. They also have some that a rat wouldn’t touch. It’s very expensive. It sells as fast as they can make it. It may or may not be made from milk. Rich people buy it, serve it and throw it out the next day.

Bread. No Frenchie can live without bread. It’s good bread. The only drawback is that in France they serve it with that horrible cheese and that expensive wine. Don’t ever ask a French waiter for jelly. He will order you to please leave the premises. He’ll still expect a tip though.

Yes, the French. What kind of world would it be if we didn’t have the French around to snub us. God, wouldn’t it be nice.