It was a great 4th of July celebration all across America. At Camp Lajune the Marines had their usual rousing display of the “rockets red glare , the bombs burstin in air”. None of those wussy fireworks for these guys. Reportedly, no one was injured. They wouldn’t report it anyway. These were Marines.

“Sir, Lance Cpl Smith reporting as ordered”.

“Son, you’re dripping blood on my carpet”.

“Sir, yessir!”.

Two Fingers Brown told the ER doctors that this year was a lot better then last year.

“Last year was when I lost the feeling in my hand for two months. This year I only singed my face a little”. The docs looked at his face and decided he’d done it many times before.

Wily Petersen said he may have had the best 4th of July celebration ever except he didn’t remember any of it due to the fifth of Jack Daniels he drank. His motto was, “A fifth on the fourth”. Witnesses said he was lighting his breath by the end of the night. That was what started the fire.

Norm Calwall told everyone he was having his best sales ever until the explosion.

President Bush wanted some real fireworks.

“Who can we go to war with today?”, he asked Rummy.

“Anyone you want except the North Koreans. They have some fireworks of their own”, Rummy told him.

In Roswell, New Mexico, people were evenly divided between those who claimed the fireworks display was an H-bomb being tested and those who said it was ray bolts from an alien craft. There, the day ended with a push and shove contest.

In Oaktree, Nebraska, they used a field to set the fireworks display up. They had a large, long display. They didn’t plan on where the stuff would come down and Herb Walker lost his whole corn crop.

In New York, native daughter Hillary Clinton, asked the Republican state chairman how long she was supposed to hold the firecracker after he lit it. He lied to her which she took as the truth. She couldn’t tell the difference anyway.

It was a great 4th of July celebration all across America.