The Senior Class Field Trip

Mort Walker stood at the podium. He was ready to announce where the senior class was going on it’s field trip. Mort was President of the Big Dust senior class. Mort was also the first Big Dust student to break the 1000 mark on the SAT’s. He proudly announced that the class was going to New Orleans. His would be the first class to go somewhere besides another place in Oklahoma. There wasn’t anything to see in Oklahoma, much less pay to see.

The seniors went wild. The guys jumped up their seats and pumped their fists and hooted. Hooting was a leftover from when their grandparents came to Oklahoma from someplace in the South. They were seeking a better life. They didn’t get it. Oklahoma was just a large, dusty place. Nothing grew there. If you stood on one end of the state, and had good eyes, and if the Earth was flat, which it is, you could see the whole way across the state. Out of the corner of your eye, you could also see all the way across Kansas. The only real difference was that corn grew in Kansas and dirt grew in Oklahoma.

The girls jumped up and down and squealed. This caused the guys to fall off their seats. A seventeen-year old girl jumping up and down jiggles. This distracted the boys and they ended up on the floor. One, Tom Cruz, broke his leg and wouldn’t be able to make the trip.

“Yes, after consulting with the school board, we’re going to New Orleans”, Mort repeated, causing another surge of jumping by the girls but not by the boys. The consulting was that the school board rejected the first 45 choices. They okayed New Orleans because one of the members wanted to go there.

This class worked hard to raise the money. They had bake sales, put on a play, and washed cars. In Oklahoma this was futile. By the time a washed car pulled back onto the road it was filthy again. Heck, it was for a good cause. Some of the money came from what the school board, if they’d known, would have considered “questionable means”.

Vinnie Bascoli, who said his father was the Mafia Don for Oklahoma, raised three grand by selling the same car to seven people.

“Hey, ya gotta work it out your own way”, he told the disgruntled buyers.

Vinnie’s dad, who was actually a used car salesman, which is worse, was secretly proud of Vinnie. That boy has a great future in this business.

Suzie Williams, the head cheerleader and the subject of every guy’s dreams raised a thousand dollars by raffling herself off. No, it was just a date. Her boyfriend, Turk Lowerly, bought 5 tickets himself.

“Man, that Turk is really stupid”, one of his friends said.

“Nope. He ain’t smart enough to be stupid”, another friend argued.

Suddenly, it changed. The trip to New Orleans was out. Las Vegas was in. Mort immediately met with the President of the school board. That was Jimmy “Struck Oil” Larson. Larson heard Mort out.

“This isn’t fair. It’s our trip. It’s one thing to veto someplace but another to pick the place. We aren’t going to Las Vegas. There isn’t anything there to see or do. There is, but we’re underage”.

Larson put his arm around Mort’s shoulders. He gave Mort his sympathetic face.

“Son, I understand you’re about to go out into the world. There, you’ll have decisions to make. This just isn’t one of them. You’re going to Vegas. Remember, all the money was placed in the school’s account. We already paid for Vegas”

“This isn’t fair, Mr. Larson”, Mort said.

“Hey, call me Jimmy. No, it isn’t fair. This is a lesson to you then. Mr. 1000 SAT, your whole class just got screwed royally and you have to explain it”.