To the best of my knowledge, this is a true account of the events that may or may not have happened recently in Ecuador. This is based on reports by Rick Roble, Mike Senft, Neil Sullivan, Vicki Jarrell, and some relative of theirs.

     It started with a rumor that Don and Rick had emigrated to Ecuador. They didn’t believe it since they knew where they were. Leastwise, they were pretty sure where they were but you never know. Then, as rumors sometimes turn out, they went to live in Ecuador! Wow!!

     The officials in Ecuador were suspicious of them right from the start and they didn’t even know them. Then Don’s wife showed them her disability check. It wasn’t that much for here but we’re not talking here. We’re talking there. A dollar there gets you like a quadrillion pesos! She was already the third richest person in the country behind El Presidente and the bishop. They were bringing her tea and cookie and calling her “The Great Senora”. The suckbutts.

     Don and the wife were able to lease a ranchero complete with stables, horses, servants, slaves, etc. It set them back about four bucks American.

     Rick was having his problems. They had placed him in quarantine. They kept questioning him and not liking the answers. They even went so far as the “lots of salsa and keep it coming “ interrogation method. There was something about the way he talked. Yea, that’s it! He talked like some sort of educated gringo. He is! He went to college! Wow!

     They made him the CEO of Ecuador, Inc. That made him a bishop. No, he was running the whole place. He was El Presidente! He got to live in the Presidente Palace. It was very nice. It even had indoor plumbing. Rick decided to do some good with his power. Not for the people, of course, for him. He even offered a job to Mike.

     Mike is a nephew. Nice guy but hadn’t worked in what seems like years. A perfect fit. Rick told him to pick any job he wanted. As Presidente he could “make things happen.”

     Then Neil arrived. The people really got excited. Another college grad! Not just any old college either. He was a West Point man!! My God, two college guys in the same country! A West Pointer! They immediately made him the Commandante of the army. He immediately overthrew the government. Rick went to the prison.

     Don, upon hearing this, raided the prison and freed Rick. Wasn’t that difficult since no one thought to place a guard on the place. Neil, in a fit of disgust, threw Mike into the same cell. Don, hearing this, once again raided the prison. No guard, again! Don was feeling like Zorro.

     Rick,in the meantime, had broken into the main communications area of the Palace. At first he couldn’t get a message out. Then he found the broken string and repaired it. He thought he ought to warn Don that Neil was headed for the ranch. While Neil was busy capturing Don he would be too busy to realize that Rick was plotting a counter coup.

     Don got the message and told Phyllis that it may be time to get away from there. She told him that she saw no reason for her to leave. She was the one with the money and Neil liked her. Well, so that’s the way it was.

     Neil’s army didn’t quite make it to the ranch. They had the map turned sideways and ended up in Brazil. There the sub commander, Commander El Stupido, decided to make like Washington crossing the Delaware. Things was, the boat had a leak. They went into the Amazon; then they got eaten by the piranhas and became part of the Amazon.

     Neil decided on a different tactic. He planned a surprise raid using his paratroopers. He was the one who got surprised. He didn’t tell them they had to open their chutes. They made a hell of a mess in the North 40. The harvest will be good there next year.

     Back at the Palace Rick was organizing a peasant revolt. They were gathered by the oak tree where the liberator of the country, Juan Valdez, was hanged by his successor. Neil, hearing this, ordered the tree chopped down. He had already ordered all sharp instruments confiscated so his men had to use bananas. It didn’t work.

     Neil then ordered a surgical nuclear strike on the tree. That worked! The tree was gone! Vaporized! So was half the population. The Palace was a shambles. CNN was playing the story up. ..big time.

     Haven’t heard from Vicki on this, have we? Do we care? No. She’s in Panama running the Canal and training an army she calls the Panamaniacs. Well, we don’t know about the Pana part. She claims that she’ll win for a couple of reasons. One is that we boys are stupid; another is the fact that we’re really stupid.

     There you have it. The whole, unvarnished truth as we know it.