Roofs serve a good purpose. They keep the elements out, the rain, the snow, the critters and keep the heat in. That is, if the roof isn’t rotted and doesn’t have holes in it. Even so, all roofs share one thing in common. They are a great place to get away from your parents when they get unhappy with you.

Maw went down to the barn to get Paw. As she went in she could smell the liquor Paw was drinking. This upset her.

“Paw! How can you be a drinkin’ the day aftah the Deacon done give a sermon on the evahls of demon rum?”

“Wahl Maw, the Deacon he maht know his verses bettern’ Ah do but he sure enough don’t know his flock. Why, Ah ain’t nevah knowed no man ‘round these parts thet took a likin’ to rum. We alls have a likin’ to shine”, Paw told her.

“Wahl, Ah goin’ to have me one long talk with the Deacon on thet. You can count on thet. Anywho, Ah heah ta git you to git Doody down offen the ruff”.

“Why’s Doody boy on the ruff?”

“I reckon so’s Ah don’ whack him long side his hahd with a skillet. You go an’ git him down from thar. I don’ wan’ him catchin’ his death a cold”.

Maw and Paw walked up to the house and looked up at Doody sitting on the roof. Doody looked down at Maw and Paw looking up at him.

“Doody boy, you git yor sarrah butt on down heah. You gots yor maw worrad sick. Git down heah right nah”, Paw called up to Doody.

“Wahl, Paw, Ah, Ah gonna stay raht heah fur a spell. Ah don’ plan on no bein’ hit long side mah hahd by no skillet.”

“Paw, you git mah boy down from thar”, Maw said as she went into the house.

“Doody boy, yah git down heah raht now. Iffen Ah gots to come an’ git yah, Ah’s gonna whup yah butt with this haeh belt a mine”, Paw yelled up to Doody.

“Wahl Paw, Ah reckon yah gonna do thet any which a way so Ah don’ see nottin’ in thet for me iffen Ah was ta come on down thar”.

“Boy, don’ rile me none. Ah will come up thar iffen Ah has too”.

“Wahl, Paw, yah come raht on ahahd. This heah ruff be all rotted out and got some holes in it besides. Ah think maybe yah gonna fall through and break yor leg. Maybe both a them. And, Paw, ain’t no man with no broken leg gonna be whuppin’ me. Come on up heah”.

Doody knew that to be a fact. When Clyde, the town bully, fell off the cliff and broke both of his legs, Doody whipped his butt. Doody, being Doody, didn't think about what Clyde was going to do when he healed. As Doody later put it, "He done whupped the tar outta me. Ah only think he quit 'cause he got tard".

“Doody, wah ya done to maw thet she wanna whack yah along side yor heah anyways?”.

“Nuthin”, Paw. I dinna do a blessed thing, Ah swah. Ah think Maw be goin’ through thet change thin’ Ah heerd ‘bout”.

“Ah heerd thet!”, Maw yelled out.

“Wahl, Doody, yah done riled her up some moh. Yah can’ be talkin’ ‘bout yah Maw thet a ways no how. Jus’ ain’t raht”.

“Wahl, Ah guess yah be raht ‘bout thet. She sure enough bin actin’ crazy though. Jus’ like Luke’s dawg afore we’s had to shoot ‘em”

“Boy, we ain’t gonna be shootin’ yah Maw. Ah think she’s got the vapors. Thet’s waht Ah think. Maybe iffen yah was to-”

Paw never heard Maw coming.